{"id":630,"date":"2011-06-23T02:13:22","date_gmt":"2011-06-23T02:13:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/?page_id=630"},"modified":"2019-03-30T15:16:06","modified_gmt":"2019-03-30T15:16:06","slug":"a-locked-room-in-the-sky","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/?page_id=630","title":{"rendered":"A locked room in the sky"},"content":{"rendered":"

“Lets have the first one in then,”<\/i> the boss ordered.<\/span><\/p>\n

So I brought him in. A long streak of dog-piss this one. Lanky, probably about 150 pounds spread over six foot. Ginger hair, starting to thin a bit, bits of grey at the ears, small diamond stud earring. Still wearing his ludicrous “flying suit,” his sponsor\u2019s wares promoted all over him. Mid-forty\u2019s probably, but he still thinks he\u2019s in his teens.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Name for the tape please,”<\/i> asks the boss, almost, but not quite, failing to hide the sneer in his voice. <\/span><\/p>\n

“Mark Nicol.” <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Full name please, if you wouldn\u2019t mind Mr Nicol.” <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Mark Valentine Nicol.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

He gave us a cheesy grin, as if to excuse his parents lack of taste. Bloody hippies probably, if not hippies then “beatnicks” or the like, as me Mum would have called them.<\/span><\/p>\n

“So Mr Nicol, or would you mind if I call you Mark…”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

He interrupts, “as long as you don\u2019t call me valentine, I really don\u2019t mind.” <\/i>A smug grin followed that, obviously a line he\u2019s used before.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Ok, then, Mark it is.Tell us your part in the events then Mark, you\u2019re the one who was… how can I put this delicately… “seeing” his girlfriend behind his back were you not?” <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

That got a reaction, a reddening of his already sun and freckle reddened face, the freckles not hiding the… the what? Guilt? Embarrassment? Anger? Any or all would do. Get him uncomfortable, keep him uncomfortable, a good rule of thumb for any interview.<\/span><\/p>\n

Silence. You could watch him pulling himself together, calming himself; “Ok, where would you like me to start?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“At the beginning of course.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Sure. It was the last day of the comp, I\u2019d been flying well and was in with a chance for the first place. Mind you there were four or five of us that could have pulled first place off theoretically. We\u2019d been out the night before, all got a bit pissed up in fact, as we tend to when we get the rare chance to drink together.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“How many of you?”<\/span><\/p>\n

“Just about all of us in the comp, all the girlfriends, most of the organisers, some sponsors and a couple of hangers on. About forty of us maybe, all told.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Was he with you?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Yeah, that was odd. Howard rarely drank before a comp, and almost never when the comp was on. He normally had a few after though, it was almost guaranteed that he would if he won. You know he was a diabetic don\u2019t you? Yeah. But he was chugging them down with the best of us. He\u2019d started on his usual Perrier water, but by the end of the night, he\u2019d had a beer or two, and I think I saw Jackie get him a vodka in at some point. He was well pissed, but I remember catching him in the bar bogs, giving himself a jab of insulin. Amazing that isn\u2019t it, he\u2019s ratted, but still able to do his bloods and jab?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“The next day we were all as rough as a bear\u2019s balls, Howard included. But a comp is a comp, and we\u2019ve got sponsors to keep happy, and the day was building up to be a good one, possibly the best yet.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“The window opened at about 8.30, we jostled into the lines for the gate, as it happened we were all in the first gaggle to take off.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“You what, Mark? Care to translate that into English for us poor dim coppers?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

“So yeah, like I said, I had a humdinger of a hangover, still pissed probably, but we were jockeying for a front position at the window, trying to get off at the first gaggle, the day was going to be a boomer. Sorry, what that means is…”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Ok, Chaz, your friend already clued us in on the jargon, keep talking and we\u2019ll stop you if we\u2019re not getting the gist.”
\n<\/i>
\nThe Guv really does know how to work the edges on this. Never one for the full frontal attack, more the type to keep the peripheral stuff going, you never know what\u2019ll slip out that way, it\u2019s a lesson to watch him. “Keep them unsettled, keep them one down, occasionally let them think they\u2019ve got one over on you, then bitch slap them down,” he once told me. Do it nicely of course. <\/span><\/p>\n

Geezer by the name of Charles “Chaz” Kingman this one. Short, stocky, well built, looks like he could handle himself in a fight. Nasty scar over one eye, a fresh scar of the sort my kids would give their eye-teeth for, a real gem of a “Harry Potter” job. A crimson slash from his hairline to the top of his left eye, not deep, but impressive. Claims he got it in a fight a week or so back, and he knows we know who he was fighting. <\/span><\/p>\n

Another top boy in this flight lark, another one of the front-runners, another top gun, or top parachute, or top dog. Uniform tell us that him and the deceased, <\/span>(Howard Lackey; sorry I hadn\u2019t mentioned his name before had I?)<\/span> had recently got into a fight over a stupid trick he had played on Howard. <\/span><\/p>\n

We had got wind of it off the central computer when we run the names though it. A couple of calls to the local cop shop in that area, and we heard it first hand off the uniform that had attended the incident.<\/span><\/p>\n

The two of them had been trying to impress some sponsors at a competition, and Chaz had stuck a rival sponsor\u2019s logo on the seat of Howard\u2019s paraglider back-pack thing, so the first thing the sponsors saw when he was flying over them was their rivals logo. Even though Howard had got the sponsorship out of them, he hadn\u2019t seen the funny side of it, and had confronted Chas later at the campsite bar. Howard had been drinking most of the evening by then. Words led to threats, pushing and shoving, then Howard had slapped him in the head with a plastic beer mug, which had broken and given him that scar. Chaz had smacked seven shades out of him after that, and a local plod who was in the vicinity of the bar had taken names and duly given warnings. <\/span><\/p>\n

They weren\u2019t the best of friends afterwards, as you could imagine.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Can I take you back a bit Chaz? Before you took off, any problems, you notice anything unusual?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Nothing really.”<\/i> He sat forward, hands crossed in front of his mouth, looking like a thought was occurring, a memory surfacing, or a lie brewing. <\/span><\/p>\n

“Don\u2019t know if it matters, but as I said, most of us were a bit under the weather, Howard as much as any of us. He staggered at one point when he was throwing his harness on.” <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Ok, we\u2019ve been told that by a couple of people.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Yeah, but he was facing me and he looked, I don\u2019t know, a bit rough, a bit unfocussed, more than just hung-over, bemused even, and for all his faults he was always one majorly focussed sod when in a comp. But when Jackie came over, and gave him the box of stuff he carries, his glucose sweets, his main insulin hypo, and the other stuff….”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“You knew about that then did you?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“We all did, he\u2019d had a bit of a nasty one a few years back. Crashed his kite, just when he was getting into the league ratings, no one could ever find out if he\u2019d gone hypo before or after crashing, he wouldn\u2019t tell. That\u2019s when he\u2019d met Jackie, she was one of the nurses in the hospital, she\u2019d cracked onto him there and then. But I was surprised when she clipped his main hypo box onto him, he\u2019d not normally have forgotten something that important, he\u2019d not have left it to her to look after.” <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Where was I? Oh aye, well he\u2019d had to come clean about the diabetes after the crash, there was no choice. There had been half a dozen of us who had been there and looked out for him while we were waiting for the ambulance, and one of the paramedics had shouted out “Diabetic: bad case of hypo, give me a shot of..” something technical…Well after that we all knew about his diabetes, so he was going to have to deal with it. <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

He stopped, rolled up and lit a fag; waved it around to illustrate what he was talking about, like he was conducting his thoughts with it before airing them. Affected little sod.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“The clever sod even turned that to his advantage though. Our national flying magazine did a story on him, how well he\u2019d coped, how he was a model for other diabetics. I\u2019d even gone to the training day he\u2019d organised as part of his “charity work” for the diabetics society, we\u2019d all got clued into what to do if he or anyone else went hypo again. Interesting stuff. He\u2019d had to take out big insurance to keep flying of course, especially at our level, but with his old man\u2019s money behind him he could afford it of course “<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“You sneered when you said; “charity work”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Yeah, “self-promotion work” would be closer to the mark. He could have given them more than he raised just by dipping into his petty cash fund, if he\u2019d have wanted to.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Rich was he?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Stinking. His old man dropped dead last year, diabetes got him too, left Howard a small fortune. He was one of the only ones flying the circuit for fun, that\u2019s why I got really pissed off when he beat me to that sponsorship deal, I needed it, he didn\u2019t.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“I can see how that would be annoying.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Unnecessary really.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

We took a coffee break and came back.<\/span><\/p>\n

“So yeah, there were about ten of us got away in the first push, another twenty or so followed. The flying was hard, physical stuff, fighting with small punchy thermals, running downwind at the risk of losing everything, pinning hopes on whatever we could find to keep us up. There were just four of us well out in front after a couple of hours.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

“That\u2019s right, just four of us left, Me, Howard, Chaz and Mark. We\u2019d either blown off, or out flown everyone, pretty much as we\u2019d predicted. And even though we were competing, when you\u2019re out over mountains like that, you still keep an eye on each other. We were mates after all.”<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Thomas this one, not Tom or Thommo, but Thomas. A bit over-educated for my liking, arty-farty type, well-to-do but slumming it with the plebs. The sort that gives you the look the doctor will give you when he knows that you\u2019ve picked up a dose of something nasty; and your wife is going to get rather annoyed about it. A bit on the snooty side. Big built, good looking to those that like the type I suppose, long haired, easy to imagine him hoping he\u2019ll get mistaken for Robert Plant, or whoever today\u2019s rock heart throb is. A bit over six four, looks like he would play rugger rather than rugby, doesn\u2019t look like one of these flyboys at all. More like a college professor on steroids.<\/span><\/p>\n

“You were looking out for him, even though you\u2019d had that big bust up at the last Comp?”<\/i> asks the boss.<\/span><\/p>\n

“I was wondering when you\u2019d bring that up, and the answer is still yes, we all looked out for each other.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

The Guv leans back in his chair, says nothing. Waits. Gets bored with waiting; “tell us about it.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Nothing much to tell, we\u2019d been out on the night of the last flying day of the comp. He\u2019d won it, just, always a bad thing. We had all had a few too many, but he\u2019d also been a right pain in the butt all evening. He\u2019d been bragging himself up. That\u2019s par for the course for him, so we just let it go. But then he started giving his girlfriend a real hard time, calling her a names, telling her how without him she\u2019d be skint and back to washing bedpans, how she was leeching off him. She got upset at that, but staying with him is her choice, and after all, he paid for her to learn to fly, and he pays her way in the world. <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

But then he laid his hand on her, hard, dragged her over and kissed her roughly, told her he was only kidding, and that she was all he had. The idiot was almost legless on a few pints.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

The boss treated this preamble as if he couldn\u2019t care less, but I knew he was analysing hard here. “So?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“So I waited till he went to the loo, and followed him and warned him off doing it again.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Hit him?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“No need to. You see, although he\u2019s good in the air, or rather, was good in the air, on the ground he\u2019s a lightweight, scared of his own shadow. I remember his regular “freak out\u2019s” were a great source of amusement to me when we were at college together back in the 90\u2019s, before he became so hardened.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“So you\u2019ve known him some time?,” <\/i>the boss doesn\u2019t hide his interest in this news.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Not really, we were at the same college back in 95, both mature students, or at least I was mature, he was just older. We lived across the hall from each other for a year. I didn\u2019t see him at all after I left there in 97, not until we ended up competing against each other two years back. I\u2019d read his name in the flying mag, but never made the connection.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Ok, carry on<\/i>,” the Guv had mined that seam well, but I thing he should have pushed harder.<\/span><\/p>\n

Well Howard he talks big, sorry, talked big, and with the cash he\u2019d got behind him he got away with it. But man-to-man he\u2019s a coward, a real chicken-shit. So I just told him not to do that again in my presence, or there would be consequences.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Such as?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“I left that to his imagination, it works wonders.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“It must have done, it wasn\u2019t long after that that he got into the fight with your other friend.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Yes, I see that now. He\u2019d drunk more heavily after I talked to him, Dutch courage I suppose.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Nothing to add?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Nothing.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Coffee break.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

We let him sweat for a while, let him think about what he\u2019d just told us; consequences eh?<\/span><\/p>\n

Back into the room, tape on.<\/span><\/p>\n

“So there you were looking out for each other up in the sky above the mountains, what, five k from here?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Nice switch by the Guv, unbalance him.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Yes, about that.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“What happened?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“I told the other officer, the uniform one.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“For us please, for the tape.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

He sighs, looking, or trying to look, as if it pains him to remember, trying to look shocked, trying to look like he was the one to suffer loss. I held my judgment on how real the feelings were.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2018We were all fighting hard at this point, so it was difficult to tell how everyone was going, we\u2019re pretty much all as good as each other. But I\u2019d noticed Howard had been coping less well over the past few K, I was thinking he would soon be needing to top up his food, or take a jab, or whatever, and wondering how the hell he managed it up here. Truth be told I had a bit of grudging respect for him just then.”
\n<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Go on.”<\/span><\/p>\n

He runs his hands through his hair, rubs his face, sits back, rolls up, lights up. Same baccy and papers brand as Chaz, not important, but details, always the details. The devil in the details.<\/span><\/p>\n

“So I was in a turn, gaining good hight, but it\u2019s rough and I\u2019m fighting for everything, playing the controls and shifting my balance hard. I looked over, Howard was outside of the thermal, easier air. Then he did it.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Did what?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

He looked like a slapped puppy at this point, looked at the Guv, then me, as if silently pleading we wouldn\u2019t ask him to tell us. We stayed silent. He looked down, then back at the Guv. Then it came out in one rush, as if it tasted bad in his mouth, words tripping over each other to get out.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Then he killed himself. He took armfuls of his risers and hauled his weight up on them. He gathered handfuls of lines and hauled them in. He was flying the latest high tech kite, you can\u2019t play silly buggers with them, and it folded like a cheap tent. The whole thing wrapped, he dropped like a stone. We were about five hundred feet above the tops of the peaks at that point, and he hit about two hundred down from there, a hell of a fall. I saw him<\/i> hit the rock face on the way down and bounce out again. He must have hit just the once before stopping on the scree. We flew straight down, Chaz radioed for help. But he was a gonner, his head had taken the worse of it.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

We led him out into the schoolhouse we were using as an incident HQ.<\/span><\/p>\n

I had a fag and the Guv joined me.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Not much more to do then Guv, suicide.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Let\u2019s not be hasty, something\u2019s not jelling here, something\u2019s giving me an uneasy feeling, it\u2019s all too clear to be clear. I can\u2019t help but think that what we have here is a “locked room case”.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“You what Guv?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Don\u2019t study the classics do you Sam? Lets sleep on it and I\u2019ll see you early tomorrow morning”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Well, he\u2019s the Guv.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>The next morning I caught up with the Guv back at the schoolhouse. He led me into the headmasters office, the one he had commandeered for his own use. Seeing as school was out for the holidays it made sense. We used that for his office, I had one, well me and the rest of the guys, plus the few uniform we\u2019d managed to grab for leg work, had one next door. We used the various classrooms for interviews, and had an incident room in the hall. <\/span><\/p>\n

But when we got into his office, there was another guy already in there. Strange? <\/span><\/p>\n


\n<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0The Guv didn\u2019t speak to him, just nodded in his direction. So I took my cue from him and did the same. Another fly-boy by the look of him, taller than me, about six two, looks like a surf bum. Blonde dyed hair in dreads, scruffy flying suit, smoking a dog end in the office, something I\u2019d not risk for fear of the Guv ripping my bits off. He was sprawled out over a comfy chair like a gangly teenager, a look of bemusement on his face.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Ok, I\u2019ve been thinking Sam,”<\/i> says the Guv, still ignoring the other guy, “we\u2019ve got three guys here as main suspects, all telling the same tale, and with the background detail confirmed, or a least not questioned, by half a dozen other witnesses. We\u2019ve got one tale to work with, and it\u2019s not one I like. We need someone with an analytical eye to take a look at the incident scene.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“But we\u2019ve had the forensics and uniform go over the ground with a fine toothcomb Guv. We\u2019ve got everything down in forensics being catalogued and analysed. Dr Death has the body, and he\u2019s given up a weekends drinking to look at it, it\u2019s the test match this weekend too, and he\u2019d normally have spent that down the cricket club drinking them out of port.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

” I wasn\u2019t talking about where he landed, Sam, I was talking about up there in the air.”<\/i> <\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t like the way this was going.<\/span><\/p>\n

“So what Guv, you planning to bring a chopper in, to get some aerial photo\u2019s and the like? That would raise the man hours and cost through the roof.” <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Nope, we need someone with a coppers eyes, ears and brain to get up there and see what it tastes like, get a coppers instincts up there, get some immediate perspective. I want a copper to see things as they were that day.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

I liked this even less, and I could see that tosser over in the chair quietly smirking away to himself, as if in on the joke.<\/span><\/p>\n

“What\u2019s the plan then Guv?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Sorry, I\u2019m being rather rude here,”<\/i> the Guv changes tack. “Sam, you haven\u2019t been introduced to your new best friend; Innes.” <\/i>Innes, half raises a hand, palm out, as if to say “how” like a Red Indian. <\/span><\/p>\n

“Innes runs the local paragliding school”<\/i> <\/span><\/p>\n

I was wondering if it was to late to call in sick, obviously it was. Could I just throw up, feign something terminal and go off home, or should I just shoot myself now and get it over with?<\/span><\/p>\n

“But Guv, it would take weeks to train a guy to fly, and we\u2019ve not got anyone amongst the uniform who do it, not that I know of anyway, and the conditions around here are for experts only, that Thommo geezer said so. So it\u2019s not possible is it?” <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Ever \u2018eard of a tandem?”<\/i> Innes speaks for the first time, some sort of Pommy accent, not posh like in the old films, but more your sort of “rural rustic” local dialect.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Yes, they\u2019re a bike for two peo….”<\/i> <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The reality hits home, my jaw hits the deck, my gonads try crawling back up where they came from. He\u2019s not serious? One last-ditch attempt at saving my underwear; “You going flying then Guv?”<\/i> <\/span><\/p>\n

It sounded as weak as a kittens fart even as I said it.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Me? No, I\u2019ve been on the phone all morning, I had a hunch last night and I wanted to check a few things out, it\u2019s proving fruitful too, so you get the fun trip, while I do all the leg work down here.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

But Guv, honestly I…”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“No time to talk now. Innes\u2019ll fit you out and get you there. He reckons there\u2019ll be a window of opportunity at about 10.00 am, so there\u2019s no chance for you to go and change, get straight to it.”<\/i> It sounded like we were going dancing. <\/span><\/p>\n

“You get there, and keep that brain of yours alert.” <\/i>With what he\u2019s proposing I\u2019m bloody sure my brain would be alert. <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Sam, you\u2019re a good copper and this could be the making of you.”<\/i> Yeah, or the death of me. <\/span><\/p>\n

“I\u2019ll be down here doing the boring leg work, think of it as a freebee on the works account.”<\/i> He slaps my shoulder so hard it hurts.<\/span><\/p>\n

How could I confess to the boss I was scared of heights, how could I ever hope for promotion if they knew that looking out of a second story window had me sweating like a pig, the thought of climbing a ladder had my underwear wet? And now he wants me to take a flight over mountains on a glorified parachute, with a grinning hippy for a pilot. I all but collapsed at the thought of it.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Innes caught me from staggering and making an arse of myself, or more of an arse of myself. He slung his arm around me and ushered me outside. <\/span><\/p>\n

“Bricking it eh?”<\/i> I\u2019d not heard it called that before, but yes, I admitted to myself that if I wasn\u2019t careful I would be filling my pants…<\/span><\/p>\n

“No point in denying it, I suppose. Can you fall and hurt yourself?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Not with me as your pilot,\u2019<\/i>” he said. <\/span><\/p>\n

“I was asking if you <\/b>could fall, like in as a favour, in the next ten minutes preferably.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

His grin grew wider, “I\u2019ll remember tha\u2019 one”<\/i> he chuckled.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He led me over to his truck, a ten year old Landrover. I was wondering if I could book him for illegal tyres, or something like that, and get uniform to tow it away with all his kit in it. He jumps in and clears a load of crap off the passenger seat. Gives me a tatty form on a clipboard to sign; “Just sign at the bottom, you can read it if you like, you\u2019re probably better at all that legal jargon than I am.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

I read it, basically it told me that by signing this form I gave up any right to sue Innes, his partners, friends, family and\/or pets for any damage that happened to me while I was in the same country as he was, even if he had blindfolded, tortured and gagged me, and thrown me off a cliff. “Pretty standard disclaimer then,”<\/i> I said more jokingly than I would have believed possible.<\/span><\/p>\n

After about half an hour of uphill driving, mostly through forest, with frightening views of how high we were getting appearing through the trees at unnervingly more frequent intervals, we rounded a bend in the track and pulled up onto to a large grassy flat area at the top of a ridge. Several windsocks hung limply, not stirring too much, a few pilots sat around doing nothing, smoking, sharing jokes. <\/span><\/p>\n

I blurted; “Not enough wind by the look of it, shame that, but never mind, I don\u2019t think the Guv had his ideas worked out proper like. You\u2019ll give me a lift back down then? Thanks old son.”<\/i> <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Innes turned and looked at me, a rather sad expression on his face; “M-a-a-n, this is goin t\u2019be the best day of yer life, perfect conditions, and the best tandem pilot in the country to fly you. And you\u2019re going to let your imagination, all your kiddy fears, your own self created bogey man, scare you out of the experience? Your going to create a fear, let it grow, take root, flourish like a weed, and cripple a big guy like you? It\u2019s time to face yourself man, it\u2019s not the hight, or the drop, or the chances of failure you\u2019ve got to square up to, it\u2019s the part of you you\u2019ve allowed to grow out of control and dominate you. Time to piss or get off the pot big guy.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

He looked me square in the eye, daring me to punch him out for being right. I nearly cried. I felt like I had when I was a kid of about ten, and all my mates were jumping off the quay wall into the lake, and I couldn\u2019t do it. It wasn\u2019t the swimming part; I just couldn\u2019t picture the falling through the air, and the slap of the water on impact. I\u2019d gone to the edge several times, but each time just made the whole idea more terrifying. I\u2019d had to crawl on my belly to the edge in the end, and everyone had laughed at me. I had run home crying, only to get a belt off my dad when he found out what had happened.<\/span><\/p>\n

I shrugged, “Well after a psychoanalysis like that, how could I refuse to go? You a shrink in your spare time?” “Nope, but I trained as a clinical psychologist before I got into this lark, but I won\u2019t charge your Guv any extra for that service.”<\/i> <\/span><\/p>\n

I suppose my surprise showed on my face, he just smiled back. “He\u2019s a good bloke that Guv of yours, and he thinks you\u2019ve got the makings of a decent detective too. But joost maybe he thinks there a right soft spot in you that needs working on, or some weakness that needs tacklin’.” <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

A statement rather than a question.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We hauled a huge rucksack out of the Landrover, far too big for just one man to carry. A couple of the other pilots came over and offered to help. Innes introduced me as Sam, “a copper, but an ok guy”,<\/i> and didn\u2019t let on why I was here, or why I looked like I was about to lose my lunch. I suppose they knew it was something to do with the death of the pilot, as I don\u2019t suppose too many people turn up for a fun flight wearing a suit and tie, but they didn\u2019t let on, and they included me in the banter.<\/span><\/p>\n

A fun bunch, I suppose I came across as a bit square, and bit fuddy-duddy, a bit of an old fart, even though most of them were my own age. Innes gave me an old flying suit to wear, and I struggled into it. I just kept concentrating on what I was doing at the time. “Now I\u2019m doing the zip up, now I\u2019m putting my boots on, now I\u2019m tying my laces, now I\u2019m wondering why everyone is looking at me oddly?” <\/span><\/p>\n

Innes came over; “you do know that talking to yourself is the first sign you\u2019re going doolally, don\u2019t you?”<\/i> <\/span><\/p>\n

Christ, I hadn\u2019t even realised.<\/span><\/p>\n

Innes took me to the front of the hill, to where it dropped away steeply, and pointed out over to the other side of the valley, to where the mountains proper started. “That\u2019s where it all happened. Funnily enough I was up on here tha\u2019 day, teaching a bunch of beginners. I couldn\u2019t see owt of course, far too far away, but I\u2019ve got the co-ordinates in my GPS, so I should find the spot.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

I had registered most of what he had said, but didn\u2019t feel like contradicting his idea that this was a fit place to bring beginners. Beginners for christs sake? I could see houses down at the bottom of the hill, bloody miles down, I could just about see cattle in the paddocks, from up here they were just black and white dots on the brown pasture. On the road we had turned off to get on the track up here, there was a child\u2019s toy lorry chugging along, too far away to even be heard.<\/span><\/p>\n

We strolled back up the hill, the wind had strengthened a little, which was very noticeable to me at that point, but only slightly. Innes got the glider out, and a couple of the guys came over and spread it flat with him. So many strings on the bloody thing! I was sure they\u2019d be a right mess, and take a day or four to sort out, but bloody Innes took hold of one end, shook the lot and they all lined up neatly. I\u2019ve seen conjurors with less impressive acts than that.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Ok, here\u2019s a quick run through of what you need to know, I\u2019d normally give someone a couple of hours tuition first as a minimum, but as you\u2019re getting…”<\/i> He smiled, then laughed, so I beat him to the punch-line, “…a crash course. Oh bloody ha, ha, ha, Innes.”<\/i> I didn\u2019t have the energy to be angry with him, it was all being used by my stomach which had decided to learn how to turn somersaults.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Ok, Jeff, can you get Sam here into the harness, and flight check him for me, give him a tight set for the off, while I get set up?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Jeff strolls over calmly, and why shouldn\u2019t he be calm? Jeff\u2019s a big guy, quiet type, doesn\u2019t say much, but he\u2019s got forearms like a tyre fitter on him, and you wouldn\u2019t cross him with a team of Sherpas. God, I\u2019m supposed to be a bloody copper! I\u2019ve been in tight spots, faced down a gunman once, been in more bash-ups than I care to remember; yet I\u2019m like a rag doll being manhandled about here, and what\u2019s worse is I\u2019m too scared to object, let alone resist. Even when he sticks his hands down between my legs and pulls up a strap I do nothing, under any other circumstances that would have earned him a week in hospital, eating through a tube. His silence is even more threatening to me in my heightened state, god what a mess.<\/span><\/p>\n

A worse bit comes when Innes suddenly appears at my shoulder. And the clips to the paraglider are snapped into my harness.<\/span><\/p>\n

Just for something to say at that point, I asked “Innes, how come your accent changes so bloody frequently? Half the time your sound, then you\u2019re all bloody Scottish or whatever.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Dales Yorkshire if you must know,”<\/i> he replied, “and if you knew the bloody heartache I went through trying to make myself understood when I first moved here, specially with the school relying on me as chief instructor, and what wi you bloody lot talking down yer nostrils half the time…”<\/i>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

I noticed the more uptight he got, the stronger his accent became, I decided not to find out how strong it was at full throttle.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Right sunshine, move forward to the front off the hill, over to where we were just stood. Jeff, can you give us an anchor here mate?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Jef caught hold of my harness straps none too gently, and walks backwards, pulling me down to the front of the hill. His face had gone from its normal impassivity to a broad grin, then he spoke for the first and only time; “I got bust for dope the other day, one measly joint, I got a fine too. I\u2019m going to enjoy this.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

May god have mercy…<\/span><\/p>\n

So we\u2019re walking forward to the front of the hill, Jeff pulling at the straps and grinning, he\u2019s enjoying this; he\u2019s like a kid at a fairground. At the bit of the hill where it drops away more steeply, we stop. I catch my breath and try to think of any last minute things I have to say, but all that comes to mind at this point is how much I hate my Guvnor, and “I wonder if my will is up to date?”<\/span><\/p>\n

I thought we were going to take a break but, just as I\u2019m relaxing and trying not to show how relieved I am, there\u2019s massive “whoomph!” from behind me. I try to turn to see what it is, but as I do the paraglider itself shoots overhead and Jeff pulls hard on my chest straps. (I\u2019m not sure, but I\u2019m pretty convinced that Innes kicked me in the arse at that point too) I stumble forward, staggering under Jeff\u2019s pulling, and trying to keep to my feet, or at least keep my feet on the ground. Three or four steps and the battle is lost, my feet are no longer on the ground. Looking back at it, if I\u2019ve have been thinking straight, I could have kicked Jeff in the head as we flew over him, an opportunity missed.<\/span><\/p>\n

We\u2019re twenty, thirty, forty, feet in the air before I see sense and shut my eyes. It\u2019s a much more smooth ride than I would have felt possible, but I\u2019m still in danger of losing my breakfast. Then Innes pipes up from behind; “Ok Sam, pop yersel\u2019 back into the seat lad, may as well get comfortable, we\u2019ve got a ride ahead.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

I wonder what the hell he means, but remembering how the other guys had flown, sat back in the harnesses, I realise what he wants. How though? I see the straps hanging above me and reach up to pull myself back on them, but Innes shouts; “Not that way Sam, not unless you want a very quick trip back to earth.”<\/i> I stop. “Just lean back a little, take some weight on the seat with your hands if you need it, and you\u2019ll slip in.”<\/i> So I do, and he\u2019s right, I just fall back into the harness. It\u2019s comfortable here, and following instructions from Innes, I adjust the strapping a little so I\u2019m snug. The great thing about being in this position is that I don\u2019t have to look down.<\/span><\/p>\n

So we\u2019re flying around, and I\u2019m just about getting used to it, and I must admit Innes\u2019 calm voice, and his talking me through what he\u2019s doing, is making the whole experience, if not enjoyable, then at least bearable. So I chip in: “How do we get from here to the ridge where it happened Innes, we\u2019re a long way off and still a bit low?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“I\u2019m looking for a thermal mate, a big soft bubble of warm air, we\u2019ll ride up in that then scoot over to the ridge. That lot were flying in very punchy thermals when it all went down, so I\u2019ll be expecting some of that when we get over there.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Riding up in a bubble of hot air? Pull the other one Innes, I may be at your mercy up here, but I haven\u2019t lost all me marbles!”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Me and my big mouth…<\/span><\/p>\n

The next thing you know is Innes has heeled us over hard left, and we\u2019re flying in a circle, and bugger me we\u2019re getting higher. This is getting scary again. We\u2019re circling, sometimes pulling figures-of-eight, and all the time, or at least each time I\u2019m forced to look, the ground\u2019s getting further away and the clouds are getting closer. I want down at this point, I want down on the ground, to go home, to write my resignation letter, and then to go to the office and punch the Governor on the nose.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Good one,”<\/i> comes Innes voice from behind me, “we made good gains there, let\u2019s find the next one.”<\/i> I don\u2019t even have the heart to object any more. So we\u2019re flying out, not gaining in hight, but the valley floor is dropping away under us. Then after about ten minutes we\u2019re back into the circles and figure-of-eight again, and going up once more. Innes is whooping with joy behind me; “best day of the week so far!”<\/i> he shouts.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Not for me,” I think to myself, “not by a bloody long shot.”<\/span><\/p>\n

So after a while we\u2019re as high as we\u2019ve been before, if not higher, and by now we\u2019re way out past the middle of the valley, and the mountains are closer. I\u2019m sure I can feel the air getting colder, or maybe I just wasn\u2019t shaking with fear so much.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m also almost used to the constant turns and the rising up in the air. I\u2019m close to, if not enjoying then at least accepting, the ride, when Innes goes and spoils it all over again; “We\u2019re getting near to the mountains now. The thermals will get a bit more punch over here, don\u2019t say I didn\u2019t warn you.” <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Thanks Innes.<\/span><\/p>\n

And he\u2019s true to his word. We\u2019re flying about, heading towards the mountains, which we should arrive at, (I didn\u2019t dare say “hit,”) about three quarters up, when all of a sudden we\u2019re thrown backwards and up. It felt like god had decided to use the glider as a football and given us a good punting. My stomach hit the back of my throat, and all the good thoughts I\u2019d been having went out of my head in one big scream.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Hey hey, good one,”<\/i> Innes shouts above my scream, “couple more like that and we\u2019ll be doing well.” <\/i>Obviously a use for the term “doing well” that I hadn\u2019t considered before.<\/span><\/p>\n

This continued for at least half an hour, and every time the shock of getting kicked back, or sometimes sinking like a stone, got less frightening, another thermal would come through which seemed to be trying to outdo all the others. Of course Innes behind me was whooping and yelling like the kid who\u2019s been given a fifty-dollar bill in a lolly shop. <\/span><\/p>\n

I was barely hanging onto my sanity, when he said; “that would be it, just down there, you can see all of the markers and stuff that your boys left down there where he hit.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Even he seemed sobered up by the thought.<\/span><\/p>\n

I risked a look down. I could see the markers, the tape, the detritus of the crime scene stretched out on the rocks below me. “He was a bit higher when it all happened,”<\/i> vouches Innes. I look down, scree, rocks, dirt, police tape, a few bits of police stuff, desolation. Mountains stretch off away from us, nothing special here, nothing to cause great angst. Nothing, a dead nowhere. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So why at this place, of all points on the compass? I didn\u2019t have a clue. What had that tosser Thomas said? ““Then he killed himself. He took armfuls of his risers and hauled his weight up on them. He gathered handfuls of lines and hauled them in.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Ok, so if he was going to top himself, here\u2019s a place to do it, but why here, and why that way? It didn\u2019t make sense, there would have been easier and less painful ways out, and why bother going along with the competition flying to this extent? If he\u2019d have wanted to make a point with his suicide, he could have killed himself at the take off, and got a better crowd.<\/span><\/p>\n

I leaned back in the harness; “Hey Innes, could he have done it by accident? Is there anyway he could have made a balls up, trying to do something else say?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Nah mate, not a chance. Your boss told me what Thomas had said, and there\u2019s not a pilot worth his ticket who would do any of that, accidentally or not. It\u2019s a guaranteed one way ticket.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“What would it have resulted in?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Well, seeing as you\u2019re asking.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

My brain had just managed to register the complete stupidity of what I had just asked, when the world went into freefall. I may have screamed. I certainly damn near filled my pants.<\/span><\/p>\n

After what seemed like an hour, but was probably only a few seconds, there was a crack above us, and the glider dived forward until it was almost level with me, then backwards, then resumed flying as if nothing had happened.<\/span><\/p>\n

“And that was a minor, controlled, stall. If what your boss says is true, he would have had a catastrophic failure of his glider. Oh, and he never even threw his reserve either. Not that that would have made much difference.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“An explanation would have been sufficient,” I wanted to say, but I\u2019d bit my tongue, not through choice, and couldn\u2019t speak at that point.<\/span><\/p>\n

So Innes flew us back. We didn\u2019t get right back to the hill, but Jeff and some of the others met us in the valley, and drove us back to the school.<\/span><\/p>\n

Innes walked with me into the school house. “Your boss says that he\u2019ll pay my going rate for your flight, so there\u2019s no time like the present.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Do I give you my dry cleaning bill, or him?” <\/i>I asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

Innes grinned, “You\u2019re alright mate, you\u2019ll do a treat. You\u2019re not afraid to be honest about your fears. That\u2019s the only way of safely beating them.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Thanks a bunch Professor Freud,” <\/i>I replied as I shook his hand, more as a thanks for not killing us both, rather than out of any pleasure at the flight, I may add.<\/span><\/p>\n

I found the governor sat at his desk. “Well,”<\/i> he asks, “any gems of insight? Some of us have been doing real police work while you\u2019ve been out enjoying yourself.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

So I told him, I told him that this all boils down to fear, that this whole sorry business was built around fear, once we found the cause of the fear, we had the perpetrator. <\/span><\/p>\n

“Funny you should say that,” <\/i>he said, smiling to himself, as if we\u2019d shared a joke, “that just about tallies with all I\u2019ve found out.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

The next morning we met bright and early at the school house. A uniform brought in the three guys. Innes, was sat at the back of the room, smoking a dog end, and looking for all the world like he\u2019d been invited to the party. Which I\u2019m assuming he must have, seeing as the Guv didn\u2019t chuck him out.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Right”<\/i> says the Guv, “I hope you all slept well, clear conscious and all that?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Lets get started. I wanted you all here to make sure we had everything straight from the off. No mix ups, no back stabbing.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

He turned, sharply, “Mark, you were screwing his girlfriend, yes? I\u2019ll take that sullen nod as affirmation then. So you had a reason to get rid of him, didn\u2019t you? Good lay was she?” <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

The guv lets the silence stretch on, and on, and on, until I\u2019m almost ready to answer for Mark, just to break it. “No, not that good actually”,<\/i> he answers at last, “truth be told, I was getting a bit fed up with her, she was full of mad schemes, and hair brained ideas. All ups and downs, a bit demanding sexually too.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

The Guv lets that last remark go without even a hint of a snipe at Mark\u2019s sexual ability, must be going for the kill.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Charlie, he took the sponsorship money from you, and rubbed your nose in it. He even messed up your pretty good looks,”<\/i> he said this with a smile. “So was that enough to want him out of the way? I mean to say, he even took the mick out of you by getting you to earn sponsorship money for diabetes research, then skins you out of your living money. And there\u2019s you swatting up on diabetes and emergency treatment and all that to help out, and he\u2019s kicking you in the teeth for it. Did you want him dead Chaz?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“No, not me,” <\/i>Chas blurts out, unable to control the fear in his voice. “I disliked him, I thought he was a typical spoiled bastard. But the way I looked at it, I only had to put up with him at comps, he had to live with himself 24\/7. He\u2019d have got what he deserved eventually.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

He looked up, as if shocked at what he had just said. “But I didn\u2019t have anything to do with it!,”<\/i> almost shouting that out this time.<\/span><\/p>\n

“You then Thomas, you want him dead?”<\/i> <\/span><\/p>\n

The Guv switching his focus between them, like flicking on and off a light, jumping the ideas, playing them off. All of them could hear what he had to say, and what he said to one was firing ideas in the others, and raising fears too I hope.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Nope.”<\/i> Nothing more. Nope full stop.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Come on Thomas, you must have more to say than that, after all it was you that threatened him? It was you he was scared of,”<\/i> the Guv gives me a nod, just a slight one, so I chip in.<\/span><\/p>\n

“It was you that clued us into his character after all, it was you that told us about “his little freak outs” at college.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“And?,” <\/i>he looks at me, his mouth hanging open now, not believing that we were going to use that little slip of the tongue. <\/span><\/p>\n

“And indeed,” I say, “you were the one who knew about his, what do they call them? Come on mate, you\u2019re the educated one, you knew all about them, what\u2019s the proper term?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Unexpectedly, Mark chips in this time; “Panic attacks, profound panic attacks, normally caused for him by his extreme case of arachnephobia.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“What the hell has that to do with anything?,” <\/i>asks Thomas. Then the three of them start banging their fists on the desk, standing up, and shouting questions all at once. Two of the uniform lot rush into the room, but the Guv waves them out.<\/span><\/p>\n

“If you three will shut up a second, allow me to paint you a picture,”<\/i> he settles back in his chair.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Here we have a man, a bloody unpleasant man. He lives off money he hasn\u2019t earned, and flaunts it. He has no mercy in his chosen sport, and will even take his mates sponsorship money, take away their livelihood in effect, on a whim. He has a girlfriend, one who was working in the care field, but who he has now made reliant on him for her lifestyle. He is rough with her, more rough than we initially knew, in fact he has on occasion hit her, and to use the psycho-babble term, is emotionally aggressive, violent even, towards her. She in turn turns to someone who is more caring, or at least caring enough to give her one without any strings attached.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

He has them in the palm of his hands now, their attention is riveted to the storyteller in the chair.<\/span><\/p>\n

“So we have a very unlikeable man, one who\u2019s tread on enough toes for any number of people to wish him ill. Then what do we find? One day he\u2019s out flying in a competition, suddenly he does something, something so totally out of character, so unbelievably dangerous, that we can only think it must have been suicide….<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

…But”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

He leaves the word hanging in the air, hanging like a sentenced man.<\/span><\/p>\n

“But what do we find when we get our friends at forensic involved? Well we find that he was dehydrated. Nothing unusual in that, but we also find his drinks bottle had been tampered with, the fluid adulterated from “sports drink” to include just a little something to keep up the dehydration from the beers the night before. And we all know that dehydration isn\u2019t good for diabetics, is it? We find that his medical kit contains a syringe of insulin as expected, but that the insulin trace we found in it was watered down to a third of it\u2019s normal strength. So here we have a man, still suffering a hangover from the previous night, who has been running on watered down fuel, a recipe for diaster, if you\u2019ll excuse my mixed metaphor.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Simile, it\u2019s a simile not a metaphor.”<\/i> Thomas chips in, obviously wanting to exert some degree of influence on the way this was going.<\/span><\/p>\n

“I bow to your superior erudition, “<\/i> replied the boss, the sarcasm dripping like rancid butter.<\/span><\/p>\n

“But, and here\u2019s the clever bit, what is the icing on the cake? Well now, as Mark so eloquently put it earlier, “panic attacks caused by his extreme case of arachnephobia” but how could you set one of those off? Well now, what if Howard needed a second needle, seeing as how his first jab somehow strangely failed to do the full job, and as he was feeling so rough he thought it best to take another dose?” <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“He kept a second set of works in his instrument pack, in a pocket that rested on his lap.” <\/i>Chaz this time, yet again speaking before thinking.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n


\n“Oh yes,”<\/i> says the Guv, “the second set of “works”, needles and syringes and what not. Funnily enough we checked that pocket, after we got some information. It seems he\u2019d been using it to house several species of spider, several large, hairy, nasty looking blighters. The lab found evidence of at least six of them, and one dead one too. Rather a strange thing to keep there for a man with such a pronounced fear of spiders.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“So here we have a man, flying at the edge of his abilities, running out of sugar, running low on fluids, not in the best of states to be flying full stop, and when he goes for his emergency supply of insulin what does he find? The one thing he fears most.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“It was virtually guaranteed he\u2019d panic, and virtually guaranteed he\u2019d end up dead. But who murdered him, who wanted him dead? Who was jealous of his money? Who wanted to end the relationship he was in? Who knew enough about his diabetes, and the effects of diabetes on the brain? Who knew his fears? Only one person could bring all those factors together gentlemen, only one person had the motive and the means to pull this off.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

He paused, before delivering his punch-line.<\/span><\/p>\n

“His girlfriend Jackie Conyers fitted all the motives, means, and reasons, and a few more that we wont share with you out of confidentiality. We arrested her last evening, you\u2019re free to go. Please leave your contact details for the coming weeks with the constable at the door, and don\u2019t go too far without letting us know. We may need more information off you.”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

They sat stunned, not knowing whether to cry, or laugh, or sue. Then all of them rose and turned to leave. Thomas turned back and shook the Guv by the hand, then left without saying anything.<\/span><\/p>\n


\nA slow hand clap came from the back of the room, and Innes walked forward; “Fair do\u2019s mate, you played them like tha\u2019 were tickling trout, ever thought of acting?”<\/i> The Guv grinned, and shoo\u2019d him away. But Innes stopped where he was; “Right then, I\u2019ll do you two a deal on lessons, I\u2019m cutting my own throat here, but I\u2019ll do you both my “full ticket” course for the price of one person, what you say?”<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

“Get stuffed Innes,” <\/i>for the first time ever, me and the Guv spoke in unison.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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