{"id":1383,"date":"2014-04-19T21:53:47","date_gmt":"2014-04-19T21:53:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/?p=1383"},"modified":"2014-04-20T04:42:01","modified_gmt":"2014-04-20T04:42:01","slug":"march","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/?p=1383","title":{"rendered":"Socialist singers, ageing comedians, and battering Gollum"},"content":{"rendered":"
Click on any image for the gallery (larger images.)<\/a><\/h6>\n

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The bloody odd weather we’ve been having of late continues, (I thought I’d get this out of the way first, I know what weather nerds you all are.) Massive thunderstorms, with very little rain. However, we did get a couple of torrential downpours, and subsequently the place has turned green, (and my lawn is up around my ears again.)<\/p>\n

One nice consequence of these pseudo-storms is that\u00a0 the cloud banks have made for great landscape shots; I particularly love this one.<\/p>\n

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However, this has got to be my favourite shot from this month!<\/p>\n

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Landscape photography is now a real passion for me, and the source of endless good natured arguments with Mr Kingman. As I said to Charlie; if god didn’t want us to post-process, he wouldn’t have given us photoshop, (and ways of stealing it off the net.)<\/p>\n

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Well the Sydney trip was a hoot. This was to be our first time been away with Brandon. He survived.\u00a0 Nice to be doing a “two couples” trip with Bethy and Brandon, a bit odd, but nice. Rather than do an \u201cup and back in one evening\u201d<\/em> run in a hire car, we took the bus up and stayed overnight in a hotel.<\/p>\n

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This was a more expensive ($$$$) option, but saved me getting knackered and\u00a0 frazzled for a whole weekend.\u00a0 We\u2019d booked into a basic but cheap central Sydney hotel, The Park Regis<\/a> which was Ok, for the money we paid. Nothing outstanding, but nothing too bad either. The room was comfortable, with basic amenities. One of the major plusses of\u00a0the place was\u00a0the fine view out of downtown Sydney from our room. Although I watched for some time, I didn’t see anyone mugged, stabbed or shot,which was a little dissapointing.<\/p>\n

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We had dinner at an Italian place just down the road from our hotel, called\u00a0Macciato\u2019s<\/a>.\u00a0 A good find, though very noisy and hectic. It had pleasant staff, who all seem to be genuinely Italian.<\/p>\n

The little Italian girl who served us looked like a tiny version of Sophia Loren, well tasty. But unfortunately, she, like far too many attractive girls these days, \u00a0was covered in nasty \u201cAmy Whinehouse\u201d type tattoos. It\u2019s enough to make an old perve like me weep. Ok, it may be rather hypocritical of me to moan about her “lifestyle choice”,<\/em> (blah! fucking hipster phrase,) as I have a couple of large\u00a0tattoos. But! I’m not young and attractive, (never was either,) and I had mine done before they got to be trendy. And yes, before you say anything, \u00a0I am turning into a grumpy old man, (and I’m enjoying it too!)<\/p>\n

But let’s get back to diner;\u00a0 there was a good, if not novel, selection of meals on offer, bog standard Italian basically, very reasonably priced. Better than your average Italian pizza and pasta joint, though it could do with something novel and trend setting on the menu.\u00a0 I\u2019d eat there again, but preferably on a quieter night. It was so fucking noisy in there, mainly from the Italian wait staff yelling; “Spagettio Hoopsi! Arivaderchi\u00a0compende?! Vespa, Bottichelli!!!<\/em>” and the like at each other. In fact\u00a0getting out onto the streets of Sydney was a blessing, just to have some quiet for a change.\u00a0<\/p>\n

As we\u00a0had\u00a0an hour\u00a0to kill before the show,\u00a0we played “spot the oddball”<\/em>\u00a0 to pass the time.<\/p>\n

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So we went to see the show. This was Alan Davies \u201cLittle Victories\u201d tour<\/a>.\u00a0As I said last month, I have a bit of a beef with Mr Davies for announcing his Canberra gig two days after I bought Sydney gig tickets, thus quadrupling the expense of seeing his show.\u00a0One interesting we noted, is that\u00a0when you follow a comedian over a number of years, his routines age with him. His last\u00a0 gig was about the trials and tribulations of being a new dad, this one more about his young kids and their ability to \u201cthrow a spanner in the works of life<\/em>“, hence the tour name.\u00a0 Obviously there was more than just “kids are a fucking pain in the arse\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 to it, (though Matt Abbot would have empathised.) But as I say, he\u2019s getting more mature, though fortunately still funny. A great gig.<\/p>\n

Lee-Anne phoned her mother, Mary, while we were away,\u00a0Mary was still in her plastic bovver boot at this point, recovering from her broken leg. She was looking after the dogs for us, and Lee-Anne wanted to make sure they were ok, (ok, and her mother was still alive too.) Mary answered the phone; \u201cOh it\u2019s you, you caught me just coming out of the shower, I\u2019m stark naked,\u201d<\/em> followed by, \u201ctry not to think about that.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

The next morning we took breakfast at Biai<\/a>, down at Darling Harbour<\/a>.<\/p>\n

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I\u2019m going to type that in again, just because it sounded such a\u00a0wrong thing for a snotty nosed wanker from Bryn Road, such as me, \u00a0to be typing.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe next morning we took breakfast at Biai,<\/a> down at Darling Harbour<\/a>.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

God, honestly, who the hell do I think I am? Hugh fucking Grant? I need to go home and see the lads, just to get a right good slapping about the head for posting that. Just to make me sound more of a wanker, for breakfast I had; “Roasted field mushrooms, on sourdough with persian feta & LA organic olive oil.”<\/em> I’m crying laughing at this, god alive, what would my mother think? Breakfast; that’s a cup of strong tea and a fag, isn’t it?<\/p>\n

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Anyway, it was a great breakfast. So we went from there to Chinatown<\/a>, which really should be called \u201cChina Street\u201d,<\/em> as their aint much more than one street to it. We had a rummage around Paddy\u2019s Market<\/a>, which was full of shite, interesting shite, but shite none the less.<\/p>\n

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Me and Brandon found a second hand record shop. Brandon got some late 70\u2019s “two tone” <\/a>\u00a012′ vinyl LPs, \u00a0I got some Blu-Ray DVD\u2019s. There\u2019s something weird going on there isn\u2019t there? I\u2019m supposed to be the old fuddy-duddy, he\u2019s supposed to be the geek. So how come he’s buying classic vinyl, and I’m buying “Layer Cake”<\/a> and “A Clockwork Orange”<\/a> on Blu-ray? “Horses for courses”<\/em> I suppose, whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean. The girls eventually prized us out of there by using threats of bloody mayhem.<\/p>\n

Waiting in a “Pie Face<\/a>” pie shop, we were approached by some street scum wanker, he looked like a cross between Gollum<\/a> and a sewer rat, but with less charm and humanity. He started barking at Lee-Anne; \u201cBuy me a pie! Buy me a pie!\u201d<\/em> Lee-Anne, as you would expect, told him in no uncertain terms to fuck off.\u00a0 In fact \u201cFuck off!\u201d\u00a0<\/em> was exactly what she said. \u201cYou watch yourself lady!! You better watch yourself!!<\/em>\u201d So, while\u00a0moving Lee-Anne out of firing range,\u00a0 I\u00a0lined him up nicely, \u201cshort jab with the left to the chin, swift kick in the knackers with my right foot, and then\u00a0 the hardest right hook I can throw,\u201d<\/em> was on the menu for the day,\u00a0 (I\u2019ve been practicing this combo on my punchbag of late.)<\/p>\n

But then he turned to the person behind him and demanded they bought him a pie. They shrugged, played the “We\u2019re Chinese, we don\u2019t understand English,\u201d<\/em> card,\u00a0so he told them to fuck off, and walked off into the road.\u00a0 When he walked off into the road he was narrowly missed by a SUV driver. Unfortunate, as it would have been rather jolly to see him vanish under the wheels of it.<\/p>\n

I’ve been thinking about this of late. If he’d have grabbed Lee-Anne, or even moved towards her looking as if to, I’d have smacked him, hard. It’s a good rule of thumb, “hit them first, hit them hard, and keep hitting them until they’re not in a position to hit back.” <\/em>But then the cops would have been called, I’d have been arrested, charged, and taken to court even. If he had actually touched Lee-Anne I might have got enough mitigating circumstantial evidence to get away with it. What with me being such a fine, upstanding, hard working, mental health professional, (shut it!) <\/em>who was only defending his wife from a rabid animal and that. But it makes you think doesn’t it? I’d have no moral or ethical doubt about battering the bastard, but the consequences could be devastaing for me.<\/p>\n

We saw Billy Bragg as planned. A good gig, nothing too exciting though. His act still consists of 50% music \/ 50% socialist ranting, spiced with a fair bit of humour. His backing band were competent, but hardly over excited. His recent music has taken a turn for country, a shooting offense in my book, but bearable. However he did do some old faves; \u201cMilkman of human kindness\u201d, \u201cBetween the wars\u201d, and of course \u201cNew England.”<\/p>\n