{"id":1478,"date":"2014-09-05T23:45:32","date_gmt":"2014-09-05T23:45:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/?p=1478"},"modified":"2014-09-08T07:14:33","modified_gmt":"2014-09-08T07:14:33","slug":"vapours","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/?p=1478","title":{"rendered":"The Vapours"},"content":{"rendered":"

So, after the van booking farrago, “how did the removals day itself go?”<\/em> you are wondering, hoping for disaster.<\/p>\n

One thing which happened even before we picked up the van was this.<\/p>\n

Bethy was at home from college one day, when she got a phone call. \u201cCan you come in next week instead of this week please?\u201d<\/em> Beth, being her mother\u2019s daughter, immediately kicked off into full rant mode; \u201cAre you kidding? We were let down twice by you, with us wasting time\u00a0 turning up to collect\u00a0for vans you said you had booked out to us\u00a0 but had not! My mother\u2019s taken a day off work so we can get it all done tomorrow, and so no, we will not put it off until next week thank you!!\u201d<\/em> And hung up, then rang her mother at work to tell her. Lee-Anne phoned the hire place. They said; \u201cWe\u2019ve not been calling you to cancel, we wouldn\u2019t dare after your display in the shop last week.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Meanwhile Bethy got another call; \u201cLook we\u2019re really sorry about this, but we will have to put it off til next week. I\u2019m going to a funeral and my partner is taki<\/em>ng her mother to hospital\u201d<\/em> Bethy clicked that she may have been a bit quick off the gun last call; \u201cSorry, who is this?\u201d<\/em> The reply; \u201cOh it\u2019s Rebecca from the dog groomers, you have Milly booked in tomorrow and we\u2019re sorry but…\u201d<\/em> You can imagine how embarrassed poor Bethy was, she spent the next ten minutes apologising profusely to the girl. She was still glowing red with embarrassment when I got home from work at 9.15 pm..<\/p>\n

But I\u2019m sorry to tell this, but you\u00a0the van\u00a0hire day itself\u00a0went really well.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The twat in the hat.<\/span><\/p>\n

We collected the van with no hassle, it was ready and waiting with the rather sheepish looking\u00a0hire guys all\u00a0\u00a0stood to attention behiond the desk. We drove off with no problems. I\u2019ll break your heart now, and let you know I didn\u2019t crash it, not\u00a0one little bit. Loading it was fun, but could have been faster if we could have stopped Bethy playing \u201ctail-lift surfing\u201d.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

We managed to get everything in, and cleared out the garage fully. We carefully juggled all the items, so that useable furniture was the last thing in, as we had a cunning plan. At the dump they have a recycling place<\/a>, where they take furniture and electrical stuff, and “up-cycle” <\/a>it, and sell it on for charity. If we could off-load half the van load onto the recyclists, we’d save a packet in dump fees, as they charge by weight. Neat eh? So we headed off to the dump.\u00a0 Half way there, a magpie flew across the road straight into the side of the van, and off\u2019d itself. That was ominous. (Don\u2019t tell Lee-Anne! I told her it had got up, shook itself, and flown away again.)<\/p>\n

We got to Tiny\u2019s Green shed<\/a>, and called the green boiler-suited\u00a0\u00a0hippy over to ask where he wanted all the useable furniture put for recycling. \u201cSorry Pal we\u2019re overfull with furniture, we don\u2019t have any space. You\u2019ll have to dump it.\u201d<\/em> So much for that Eco-friendly, cunning, bloody plan then.\u00a0 It makes sense though, if you offer a free furniture dumping\/disposal service, and dress it all up in greenie ideals, and then people are bound to take advantage. Or the piss.<\/p>\n

The van got weighed on the way into the dump, and then we reversed the tail-lift over the pit. Dumping all our furniture and waste and crap into the pit, where it was pushed into the compacter by a bulldozer, was unbelievably cathartic. We were weighed on the way out, and charged $50.00 for the service. Well worth it, we should do it more often.<\/p>\n

I was enjoying driving the van so much, that on the way back we took a scenic tour of Canberra in it. I took great delight in waving to fellow truckers. And they took great delight in ignoring me completely.<\/p>\n

The garage looks great now, so much more room in it. It had been so full before the dump run that Lee-Anne had had to get out of the car before I could park it in there. It\u2019s now empty, and I can spend a healthy stint each morning in there, alleviating my frustrations by battering seven shades out of my punch bag.<\/p>\n

\"\"\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Remember I was whining on about missing out on getting tickets for this<\/a>?<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u00a0Acknowledged as the peak of choral excellence in the great British tradition, the boys and m<\/span>en of the Choir share their uniquely beautiful vocal timbre in an unmissable selection of favourite classics and sparkling new repertoire, for a concert to remember. Among the highlights of Program One is Faur\u00e9\u2019s timeless and touching Requiem, accompanied by the College\u2019s Organ Scholar; and a nod to their history in English works from their Tudor beginnings through to the present day. <\/span><\/p>\n

The Program:<\/span> Charles Hubert Hastings PARRY Hear my words, ye people<\/span>. William BYRD Sing Joyfully. <\/span>Giovanni Pierluigi da PALESTRINA Dum complerentur<\/span>. Peter SCULTHORPE The Birthday of thy King. <\/span>Brett DEAN Now comes the Dawn<\/span>. Carl VINE Ring out, wild bells<\/span>. Benjamin BRITTEN Hymn to St Cecilia, op 27. <\/span>Gabriel FAUR\u00c9 Requiem in D minor, op 48<\/span><\/p>\n

CANBERRA <\/span>Thu July 31 7pm SOLD OUT<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I had a cunning plan though!!<\/p>\n

I turned up at Llewellyn Hall<\/a> at 5.15 pm, as they were advertising that the box office would be open for ticket collection at 5.30 pm. I thought I\u2019d get to be first in the queue for any returned tickets. Hmmmm..<\/em> The best laid plans etc. I was told by the nice, and rather plump young girl who was setting up the ticket office; “There may be tickets returned, but I won’t be allowed to sell them until 6.45.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Bummer. I told her I’d sit there and wait, and try to catch anyone coming in with a returned ticket, and mug them. I had a handmade sign;<\/p>\n

“HELP!! Desperate to buy a ticket!!!”<\/span><\/p>\n

Willing to beg<\/span><\/p>\n

and sat next to the ticket office holding that up. Seeing as there was no one coming in, I got bored after two minutes. Just for a lark I decided to try to teach the ticket office girl how to pronounce \u201cLlewellyn Hall\u201d properly, just to pass the time, and to keep me at the top of her thoughts. She tied her tongue in knots trying, but didn\u2019t quite manage it. She went off to answer the phone.<\/p>\n

When she came back I chatted away to her, promising to love her forever, if she’d keep me as \u201cfirst refusal\u201d on any returns. After a while she called me aside to the office window; “I’ve had a return come up on the computer. I’m not supposed to do this, but I’ll let you have it now if you want?”<\/em> (Poor girl was probably desperate to get shot of me.) Seeing as it was it was only 5.45 pm then, and she wasn\u2019t supposed to sell them any returns until 6.45 pm she was being very kind. “Only one thing it’s an “A reserve” ticket so it’s $98.00″<\/em> Needless to say I bit her arm off.<\/p>\n

So I got a great ticket, one of the best seats in the house, brilliant!! As I had an hour to kill before the gig started, I went to the closest pub, obviously. Confounding my normal luck, not only did they have a great pint on sale, \u201cRuby Tuesday\u201d<\/a>, and a VE<\/em>RY<\/em> nice 18 year old Ardberg<\/a> on offer, but\u00a0on TV there\u00a0they were showing the final hours play from the England vs India cricket match<\/a>, so I got to watch a reasonable bit of that too!<\/p>\n

The gig itself? Oh god they are good! The purity of the sopranos, the harmonies, the counterpoints, the complexity, the depth of the bass, the unique textures of sound! I have never seen or heard a choir that good before. (I\u2019m not ashamed to admit that my tears started during the Palestrina.<\/a>) The bass vocalist did a short solo piece, confirming to me that my penchant for the bass voice is not perverse one bit, and despite everyone else I know trying to convince me that sopranos are the bees knees, bass is where its at. The organist, who was playing some bloody great Wurlitzer thing, did a ten minute solo that made Keith Emerson\u2019s clever bugger efforts<\/a> look rather like those of a rank amateur.<\/p>\n

The only trouble with watching a choir like that is you always end up wondering if one of\u00a0 the young boys is taking a turn in the barrel<\/a> that night. Cruel, unnecessary and unkind of me I know. Blame the catholic church.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve since signed up with all the early\/classical music concert promoters in Aus, for email and twitter notification of gigs here or in Sydney. \u201cRare as rocking horse shit\u201d,<\/em> is the term which leaps to mind.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Down at the pinnacle while walking the dogs the other night, I realised it must be coming into spring and mating season here, as the Roos were starting fighting. This is an amazing thing to watch, they look just like pissed up Scally’s having a barney over a “bird” or “spilled pint”.<\/p>\n

\"\"\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

More in the gallery<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Oh, on the subject of wildlife, we seem to be experiencing a glut of Kookaburras at the moment, beautiful plumage etc.<\/p>\n

\"\"\"\"More in gallery<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The mother in law managed to pull more of her usual stunts, (honestly, I could fill this blog with stories about her alone.) She had booked her week at the “health farm” <\/a>precisely when me and Lee-Anne had booked our next short break down the coast, which meant we had to take her flaming useless mutt with us. Deep joy. \u201cMeech\u201d, who you may have read me whine about here before, is a Staffy of limited talent. Or abso-fucking-lutely no talent to be precise. Her one outstanding ability is to be permanently in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing, at the wrong time. They say dogs get like their owners, don\u2019t they? So that meant that we had four dogs to take to the coast with us, our two, plus Meech and Millie, as Millie never misses a trip to the seaside.<\/p>\n

Then Mary realises that the days she\u2019s booked for her \u201chealth farm \u201cstay means she\u2019ll miss out on using the ticket I bought her to see \u201cThe Importance of Being Earnest\u201d<\/a> with us. Oh lordy, there goes another sixty bucks down the drain.<\/p>\n

So off went Mary, alone in the rain, for the two hour drive to \u201dCedarvale Health and Lifestyle retreat.\u201d<\/a>\u00a0 We got the gen when she got back. It pretty much boils down to what we expected, \u201cWell the food was nice, but there wasn\u2019t very muc<\/em>h of it, and you two cook better vegetarian meals. I spent the whole time there craving a steak. The walks were nice, a bit like Aranda bush just down the road. I had a nice foot massage. The people there we nice, and it was nice talking with them.\u201d<\/em> Then she dropped the bombshell, which, to be fair to us, we didn\u2019t laugh at. \u201cIt turns out it\u2019s run by The Seventh Day Adventists,<\/a> and there\u00a0 were prayers before everything; \u201cOh god make us truly glad to have this foot massage amen.\u201d You know, that sort of bollocks\u201d\u00a0<\/em> For all her faults Mary is as vehemently anti-religion as any sane person.<\/p>\n

So, run by god-botherers, not by hippies as we had suspected. That\u2019s a bit of a con if you ask me, they don\u2019t say a frigging word about compulsory god bothering being on the menu on their website! I would have asked for me money back, and forgiveness. So she\u2019s not taking their option of a 14 day stay there up.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Me and Lee-Anne took the four dogs to the coast. Be fair, we hadn’t had a holiday since Cowra in June! We stayed here at a place called \u201cBroulee\u201d<\/a> it\u2019s the cr\u00e8me<\/a> of the coast.<\/p>\n

Whether your a couple or a family, this georgeous 3 bedroom sanctuary is only one street back from the pristine waters of Nth Broulee pet friendly beach. Relax or entertain on the spacious and private rear deck, or drift off on one of the day beds listening to the sounds of the ocean and native birds. The enclosed yard is great for the kids and pets and big enough for a game of cricket. <\/a><\/h6>\n

The digs were fine, all that we wanted really. We had three days of walking on the beach in the rain, slobbing about at home, reading books, (I got through 3,) watching DVDs, having\u00a0 high octane kinky sex. We even got it together enough too go out\u00a0 for a meal one night. The weather was fabulously foul, we had rain all bar one day there, and a proper storm too.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Made me homesick for Cornwall it did. The dogs had a great time, as the beach was dog friendly and had an \u201coff leash\u201d section too.<\/p>\n

There were many surfers there enjoying the storm driven waves. Mad buggers the lot of them.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

There was supposed to be a chippy in the village, but it was shut, so we drove down to Moruya<\/a> for a chip supper one evening. While waiting for our serve, I saw the most amazing poster for a \u201cHolistic-Spiritual-Hypno-Chinese-herbal-massage-socio-Reiki-therapist\u201d, thank god the mother in law wasn\u2019t with us!!<\/p>\n

We ate out at \u201cThe Little Restaurant and Bar\u201d<\/a>, this was our second visit, having found it by a Tripadvisor recommendation the last time we were down there.<\/p>\n

We both had the specials on offer, I had the snapper<\/a>, Lee-Anne had\u00a0veal. For a small place they did beautifully cooked food, unpretentious and interesting. They would have to work on the finessing of the presentation, and be a little more adventurous before they will get a “hat”<\/a> but I’m sure they could achieve this is that were their aim. (Just call me Marco<\/a>.) They had a good range of beers and wines on offer, but I was driving so stuck to one and a Scotch. . Our waitress was very pleasant and courteous, and, as on our last visit, the owner\/chef again spent time at each table.<\/p>\n

Seeing as we were there on a cold Tuesday evening, out of season, the place was surprising full with diners at each and every table. Nice to see them doing well, they deserve it.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

(My photos were taken on a phone camera and do not really do the food justice.)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Friday after we got back, we went to see; \u201cThe Importance of being Earnest.\u201d<\/a>\u00a0 We tried flogging off Mary\u2019s ticket, but there were no takers. I tried giving it away at work, no joy. Bethy and Brandon asked all their friends if they wanted a freebee, no a sausage. Their fucking loss, it was fab!!<\/p>\n

We stopped in a\u00a0 at a pub for a bite to eat before the show, coincidentally the same one I\u2019d been in before the\u00a0 Kings College gig. Unfortunately they didn\u2019t have any cricket on show though. Luckily we had booked a table in advance as even early evening it was busy. I\u2019m always bagging Canberra pubs, for good reason usually, I’m used to UK pubs,\u00a0 and always down on \u201cPlastic Paddy\u201c<\/a> pubs, as \u201cP J O\u2019Rielly\u2019s<\/a> happens to be.<\/p>\n

But I cannot complain, it had pleasant staff, and a good range of beers. The beers were sold in pints, which is a cultured and civilised thing to do. All the beers were served too bloody cold, which is an unfortunate, silly, and country-wide problem down here.<\/p>\n

The food service was a little slow, however the food portions were generous. I had “Matilda Bay beer battered flathead fillets<\/a> with\/ rustic farmhouse style chips, salad and a freshly made tartare sauce $18″.<\/em> \u00a0“Rustic farmhouse style chips”<\/em> is just a pretentious crap concept, it just means you get fucking\u00a0“chips” and not those abominable American “fries” which are sometimes served to people with no taste. Fish was very heavily battered, but well cooked.<\/p>\n

Bethy had a burger, which was actually served rare as requested, for a change. Brandon\u00a0 had a huge pile of ribs, which was FAR too much for one person to eat. We took 90% of them away with us, wrapped in a napkin or ten.. This was not a smart move as\u00a0 during TIOBE the smell of them made my mouth water through the whole show.<\/p>\n

All told far better than I expected, and I will go back as and when the circumstances dictate, or even boozing, when I\u2019m in the city centre for a night again. Any of my Pom mates reading this; “it’s like a Wetherspoons, but without the low prices and the drunken Chavs, but with over-chilled, m<\/em>ainly piss, beers.”<\/em><\/p>\n

The Importance of being Earnest? Well it was an absolute hoot. I\u2019d not seen it before, live, I think I saw the original movie on a wet Sunday in Wales once. That\u2019s about as exciting as a\u00a0wet Sunday in Wales gets. The guy playing Algernon stole the show. Imagine if you will a very gay version of\u00a0 Benedict Cumerbatch<\/a>, camping it up wildly (pun). I know some of my gay mates will have no problem imagining a gay Benedict C, they may already have. Earnest himself wasn\u2019t too great, but adequate. Lady Bracknell was the classic fire breathing old dragon; \u201cA handbag?!?!?\u201d<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I was astounded to be reminded how many classic lines there are in the play;<\/p>\n

\u201cAll women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u201cI never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u201cIf I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make <\/em>up for it by being always immensely over-educated.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u201cTo be natural is such a very difficult pose to keep up.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0It was a great night out, and, afterwards when we got home, we had Lee-Anne\u2019s homemade sponge cakes and some sherry, just to keep the atmosphere going.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Now here\u2019s something that REALLY<\/em><\/strong> pissed me off. Before going to the coast I had the car serviced. On the report that came with the inevitable huge bill, it noted; \u201cFront tyres both bald and illegal, rear tyres nearly bald.\u201d\u00a0<\/em> Seeing as we were going to the coast in predicted thunderstorms<\/a>, and having to cross Clyde Mountain <\/a>which is often snowed in, (when it\u2019s not avalanch’d out t<\/a>hat is,) I thought it best to get a new set.<\/p>\n

So I rang around. I had a couple of quotes, the best being $360 the least best $550. Then I rang Kmart Auto.<\/a> \u201cHow much for a full set of 190<\/em>\/60 R15\u2019s please?\u201c<\/em> The guy rustled some papers, tapped his keyboard;\u00a0 \u201cI can do you them for $610,\u201d<\/em> he stated. I gave him the usual; \u201cOk, I\u2019m just ringing around now, I\u2019ll get back to you.\u201d<\/em> Him; \u201cHave you got any quotes yet? We will price match any serious quotes,\u201c<\/em> interesting. \u201cI\u2019ve been quoted $360 by Tyre-Power\u201d.<\/em>\u00a0 Brief pause; \u201cOk, I can match that and knock $10 off.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 I could feel the red mist rising, so I politely told him I\u2019d get back to him with the best quote. Fucking HONESTLY!!!!<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

You quote me $610, and then when I show that I\u2019m not a complete fuckwit (shut it!) and have other offers on the table, you tell me you can do them for $260 cheaper, and you expect me to come running? Go fuck yerself pal.<\/p>\n

In the end we went to Bob Jane Tyres <\/a>who had a \u201c4 for 3\u201d offer on, and got them for $300, no worries. Seeing as our aging Subaru \u201cOld Greg\u201d is only going to be with us for another six-month or so, why should I spend more?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Isn\u2019t technology wonderful? At work, and probably at great expense, they have installed a new answer-phone service. Now, if anyone rings us outside of hours, instead of the phone recording a message, the message is emailed to us individually as an MP3, how brilliant!! Or at least it would be brilliant if the computers we use didn\u2019t have such shite speakers that no one in the office, least of all me, can hear the fucking messages.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So why is this month\u2019s missive entitled The Vapours? Remember their famous song, a song which to this day they deny is about wanking<\/a>; “Turning Japanese\u201d?
\n