{"id":2424,"date":"2017-08-01T23:45:15","date_gmt":"2017-08-01T23:45:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/?p=2424"},"modified":"2017-08-02T22:45:50","modified_gmt":"2017-08-02T22:45:50","slug":"the-luck-of-the-irish","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/?p=2424","title":{"rendered":"The luck of the Irish"},"content":{"rendered":"

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The usual gallery of mediocre photography can be found here…<\/strong><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

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Fans of my music will be glad to know that the whole of the original “Dartmoor Suite” has been remastered and rerecorded. You can find it here…<\/a><\/p>\n

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Sat at home the other day, and there was a knock on the front door, I open it to find a little old lady with a very excitable dog;\u00a0\u201cSorry, I\u2019ve thrown his ball into your back garden, can I have it back please?\u201d \u00a0<\/em>I was wondering how she\u2019d managed it to be honest, she didn\u2019t look like she could have lifted that high, let alone thrown it over. She was carrying one of those flexible ball-throw poles<\/a> however.<\/p>\n

It struck me as a lovely take on the old; \u201cCan I have my ball back please mister?\u201d<\/em> meme.<\/p>\n

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Mary was up in Sydney the other week, she was at one of her veteran\u2019s throwing competitions. So her car was at our place. Usually we\u2019d have had her dog to look after too, but we\u2019re in the bad books on that as the little fucker escaped the last time we looked after it.<\/p>\n

One morning we awoke to find that someone had put a brick through the car\u2019s back fan light, and had, presumably, had a rummage about inside for goodies. I say \u201cpresumably\u201d<\/em> as Mary\u2019s car interior normally looks like a jumble sale, and your chances of finding something of value are about the same.<\/p>\n

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Bastards!!!<\/p><\/div>\n

We paid $380 to get the glass replaced. Mary confirmed there had not been anything worth nicking in the car. So some bastard had cost me a fortune for no purpose. I suppose the chance of giving them a good kicking is out of the question?<\/p>\n

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We had Clarkie and Catherine (C&C) arriving from Ireland to stay. This was ever so nice of them, they had taken just over a week out of their holidays, and all the expense of flying to Australia, as; \u201cWe wanted to see where you\u2019ve been living for the last 16 years, before you left.\u201d<\/em> God bless them, what lovely people.<\/p>\n

Some people, <\/a>who like to bask in the reflected glory of calling themselves; \u201cmy oldest mate\u201d<\/em>, and \u201cmy best mate\u201d,<\/em> could really do with taking a fucking leaf out of their books, before it\u2019s all too fucking late.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll leave it at that.<\/p>\n

Anyway, as when other people have stayed with us, and just about all my Pommy mates have now, apart from two who shall remain nameless<\/a>, \u00a0L~A wanted the house, boiled, disinfected, sanitised, and moved two inches to the left.<\/p>\n

And so it was.<\/p>\n

However, L~A got this bee in her bonnet about how C&C were big coffee drinkers, conessewers of the stuff, and we had no coffee making kit at home. I was sent on a mission to buy a cafetiere<\/a>. I looked frigging everywhere, well at least in Coles<\/a> and Bunnings,<\/a> and found none. It’s not surprising I didn’t find any in Bunnings, it’s a hardware store. I hate shopping.<\/p>\n

There is a (VERY FUCKING<\/em>)<\/span> expensive posh food kit retailer<\/a> at the local markets. Being a lazy sod, and not being arsed to trawl through the endless food gear emporiums at the local mall, I went there instead. They had one. I bought that and rushed home to share the joy with L~A. “Too small, I want a bigger one” <\/em>said SWMBO<\/a>. (She’s always saying that.)<\/p>\n

So back I went, and, after some wrangling, I managed to exchange it for a bigger one. \u201cThat\u2019s very expensive,\u201d<\/em> said the lass, \u201cyou must really like your coffee!\u201d \u201cI can\u2019t stand the flaming stuff,\u201d<\/em> was my reply.<\/p>\n

I drove home, only to find I\u2019d left my credit card behind at the shop. Oh happy day.<\/p>\n

Funny (not<\/em>) thing is, is that C&C aren\u2019t really that fussed about coffee, mainly drinking tea. We\u2019ve still not used the cafetiere. Nor have we tried the posh coffee we bought.<\/p>\n

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C&C came to stay, and we had the usual great time with them.<\/p>\n

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Welcome to Sydney<\/p><\/div>\n

It\u2019s so good that, most, but not all<\/a>, of my mates will now know what I\u2019m talking about should I mention \u201cThe War Memorial\u201d<\/a> or \u201cThe Pinnacle\u201d<\/a> in conversations. However, I must be very careful not to become one of those boring twats when I return, \u00a0(open goal there for you Charlie,)<\/span> the sort who’s every sentence begins; \u201cOf course, when I lived in Australia…\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

I drove up to Sydney to collect them. They were staying in an \u201cAirB&B\u201d<\/a> place, conveniently located in the centre of the city, but up 3000 flights of very steep stairs, (according to Clarkie.) I stayed at the Meriton<\/a>. We met at the main station in the city, or at least me and Catherine did, Clarkie was doing his usual; \u201cI\u2019ll just go and have a look over here…Oops I\u2019m lost again…\u201d<\/em> routine.<\/p>\n

We took a bus ride out to Bondi,<\/a> but only after I had bought a new bus card <\/a>as I\u2019d sent my usual ones to C&C. That’s three I own now, shame I don’t live in Sydney. We walked on the beach, had a beer at a hotel, then went back into the city to catch up with Debbie Midwinter, (Debs lives in Bondi.)<\/p>\n

We had a meal at a restaurant at The Rocks<\/a>, did the Opera House <\/a>thing, and then retired for the night. It was great to catch up with Debs again, albeit briefly. I got some lovely pictures of a storm hitting Sydney the next morning.<\/p>\n

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Meriton view<\/p><\/div>\n

We drove out to the Blue Mountains,<\/a> and had a stroll there, then drove back to Canberra, stopping only for coffee and cakes at Berrima.<\/a><\/p>\n

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One thing I learned from this trip is that our car is fuck all good for long journeys, it was reliable enough, just bloody uncomfortable to drive that far. I was so fuckered after this jaunt, that C&C kindly agreed to take a bus back to Sydney airport when they left.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, it was \u201dEstimates week\u201d<\/a> for L~A, so she had to be at work, and was only able to join us for the evenings, (most of which we spent emptying my wine rack, or devouring the four bottles of Irish Whisky that C&C kindly donated to the cause.) I’ve still got some very nice old bottles of red wine in my wine rack, some over 10 yrs old, should any mates from home <\/a>want to share them before we leave.<\/p>\n

The rest of the week we spent doing the Canberra thing; mainly walking our mutts and visiting the sights. When we \u00a0went to see Parliament<\/a>, it was time for Prime Minister\u2019s Questions,<\/a> and so C&C got to see the PM <\/a>in full flow. We were lucky, as it was an important debate that day, on an education bill. We saw the upper house <\/a>in session too.<\/p>\n

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I always feel that taking mates to see the parliament in action is similar to, but cheaper and more entertaining, than taking them to see feeding time at the zoo.<\/p>\n

We did the lake, and Govvy house,<\/a> and C&C got to see their first roos. We did Tidbinbilla <\/a>where they saw thousands of the fuckers.<\/p>\n

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At Tidbinbilla, Clarkie, being Clarkie, was like a kid in a new playground, climbing everything in sight.<\/p>\n

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We did the obligatory Deep Space Tracking Station<\/a>, and Stromlo. We did the National War Memoria<\/a>l, which to me is still the best museum in the world. C&C were suitably blown away by it.<\/p>\n

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We did the National Museum,<\/a> Telstra tower,<\/a> and Mt Painter. We did the National Arboretum<\/a>, (they\u2019re still using my photos there!)<\/p>\n

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At Shepherd\u2019s Lookout<\/a>, however the wind was in the wrong quarter, the smell was strong with that one, what with it overlooking the sewage works. We took in\u00a0Aranda Bush<\/a> to see the termite mounds.<\/p>\n

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All of which will be familiar to, most, of you<\/a>. Every place we went Clarkie seemed to find a way of diverting us into a cafe.<\/p>\n

Me and Clarkie even blagged a night out at the climbing wall<\/a>, where we soon proved how fat, old, and unfit we\u2019d got.<\/p>\n

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Catfunt<\/p><\/div>\n

We did manage to haul ourselves up some of the more big-juggy routes, but only by giving ourselves long rest in between them. There was an 8 yr old girl there who spent the whole time running around on the holds on the walls, at speeds which made her a blur, she was amazing, if not a little (lot) envy making. Opposite the climbing wall venue is a brightly lit brothel , \u201cPretty Woman\u201d, <\/a>we didn\u2019t visit this.<\/p>\n

On their last night C&C insisted of treating us to a meal out. This was good of them as \u00a0I\u2019d been having to wrestle C&C to the ground to get them to close their wallets. They wanted to pay for everything everywhere we went.<\/p>\n

We decided to go somewhere where we hadn\u2019t been before. We were enthused to go there as their head chef \u00a0had been on \u201cMasterchef\u201d <\/a>only the week before, and had set a challenge for the contestants. \u00a0This proved to be a bad move.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll give you my Tripadvisor review in full;<\/a><\/p>\n

We had friends from Ireland staying with us, they wanted to treat us to a meal out on their last night with us. Rather than go for one of our known venues, we decided to try out “Monster bar”, a big mistake.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It’s not a bar, it’s not a restaurant, it’s not a cafe, it’s trying to be a hipster version of all three at one time. (No “bar” serves only tinned beers.) The decor was a cross between a lumber yard and a builders merchants, with no real ambiance. No one took our coats, so they were left on our chair backs.\u00a0<\/span>The wait staff were pleasant enough. We were informed of the “sharing plates” concept, and ordered what we were told would be sufficient for our party of five.<\/span>
\nNow, I may be old fashioned here, but if I am ordering “sharing plates” then I would normally expect big generous serves to be shared among friends, what we got was just normal serve sized, tending to the small, plates of food.<\/span><\/p>\n

A hint to the kitchen, when you are sending out “shared plates” to a table of five, then sending out plates with the food portioned in serves of two or three, means a lot of juggling and messing about for each person to try a mouthful. And a mouthful of each is all we got. (“No, no, you have a little bit more, I’ve tried some…”)\u00a0<\/span>Not only that, but the way the food was delivered, first one plate, (mouthful each,) finished that, then a wait, then two plates, (mouthful of each,) finished them, then a wait, then two more plates, etc… means that no one had a decent plate of food in front of them at any time. Very unsatisfying. The worse event was the chips, under-cooked, soggy, near cold, limp purple things. At one point we asked for bread to be delivered to our table, to stave off the pangs between plates. Some of the food was good, the pickled fish was very good, but overall it was neither sufficient nor satisfying.<\/span><\/p>\n

Don’t get me wrong here, we’re not strangers to fine dining, and we’re used to and appreciative of small portions of exquisite food, but not when these are to be “shared”, it just doesn’t work\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Our Irish friends, being very generous, insisted on paying, I was embarrassed.\u00a0<\/span>We didn’t bother with dessert, we went home and got fed.<\/span><\/p>\n

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On their last day with us, I did something brave, nay, foolhardy, and let Clarkie drive them off for a spin in my car, just for themto have some time together alone in Aus. It\u2019s, mostly, still in one piece.<\/p>\n

But all too soon they had to go, and I saw them off at the bus depot. So good to have shared Aus with, most, of<\/a> my friends.<\/p>\n

More images from their stay, here…<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

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As you will be bored of hearing, we usually spend a few weekday mornings in the gym.<\/a> Getting up that early, normally nursing a hangover, and getting a workout done before work, has been going on for 12 years now. It\u2019s not got any easier, nor do we seem to be any fitter for it. But I suppose it\u2019s all worthwhile, \u00a0somehow.<\/p>\n

One morning, we were leaving the gym as per norm; I picked up my car keys from the shelf where I normally leave them. I took L~A into work, and took the dogs to the bottom walk of the Pinnacle Nature reserve. When I went to lock the car before our walk I realised I had two sets of keys…<\/p>\n

Oh fuck!<\/em> They were on an identical fob to mine I tell you!!! I had visions of me having taken some huge, muscly, martial-arts-obsessed, bloke’s key, and him being stranded in his gym kit, miles from home, and making him late for work. I was crapping myself. I haired it back to the gym.<\/p>\n

The personal trainer lad who runs the place was there, and I started giving my abject apologies before the door was properly opened. The lad said it was all good, and him and the bloke had been having a right laugh about it.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t go back to the gym for the rest of the week.<\/p>\n

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Walking the dogs one dark night at Aranda Bush nature reserve, I had my headlamp on. A moth, obviously attracted by the light swooped down and landed on my nose. \u201cAww how cute,\u201d<\/em> I hear you say.<\/p>\n

Was it hell! This was an Aussie moth, and, as you may imagine, the size of a fucking herring gull.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll be wearing those trousers again.<\/p>\n

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Oh you\u2019ll love this! Remember last episode I was bumping my gums about Brandon and him having to get an \u201cOfficial Government Passport\u201d<\/a> to go to Tuvalu to<\/a> work? This actually meant he was travelling as a representative of the Aussie government. After a quite lot of faffing about, and multiple paper and certificates chasings, he managed to get one.<\/p>\n

All well and good. Now you have to remember that Brandon, is the most modest and unassuming person you will ever meet. (Totally different to me then.) So, armed with his official passport he flew off to the tropical paradise which is Tuvalu. On landing he presented his passport to the customs geezer, who took one look at it, looked at Brandon, and informed him; \u201cI want you to go and wait over there on those seats, I cannot let you into the country yet.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cOh bollocks,\u201d<\/em> thought our hero, worrying that his passport may be not valid for some reason, or that he was on some list of ne\u2019er do wells. A little while later he was approached by a large bunch of Tuvalu men, all in suits, looking like a heavy mob. This did not help his anxiety one bit. One of them approached him, stuck his hand out and said; \u201cHello Mr Owen, I am Enele Sopoaga, Prime Minister of Tuvalu,<\/a> welcome to our country.\u201d<\/em> I fucking kid you not! Brandon had a great time for the rest of his trip, apparently.<\/p>\n

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L~A has built a pea palace. Yes, a pea palace. What happened was this.<\/p>\n

L~A bought a packet of \u201cmixed winter veg\u201d<\/em> seeds, hoping to do for our winter food stock, what she had already achieved for our summer larder, that is, fill it too bursting with fresh veg. Unfortunately on planting the seeds, the only thing which came up were pea sprouts. Fucking hundreds of them. Peas are not a winter veg.<\/p>\n

So, faced with this dilemma, there was only one option. Well two actually, the first being complain like buggery to \u201cMr Fothergill\u2019s Seed Co\u201d about their lack of quality control in their seed packing. The second one was to build a temporary green house\/poly tunnel, to encourage the seeds to grow. Seeing as it\u2019s been down to -8 here recently, this was fortuitous and seems to have worked. Here it is in all it\u2019s glory, she\u2019s rightly proud of it.<\/p>\n

As I had fuck all to do with the construction it\u2019s still standing, and the peas are coming on a treat.<\/p>\n

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Pea palace<\/p><\/div>\n

Mind you, the peas are going to cost us about $5.00 each, and we\u2019re going to be eating them by the frigging bucketful.<\/p>\n

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As I said in the last episode our kid had got herself on a course, \u201cThe Exquisite Corpse\u201d,<\/a> which was aimed at blending art and anatomy studies for students on various related degrees. Part of this was using a dead person as a life model. The irony.<\/p>\n

We were invited along to see the resultant exhibition, and as per norm, were blown away by how totally amazing our kid is.<\/p>\n

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Exquisite Corpse.<\/p><\/div>\n

Click here to see her work….<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

This is an amazing animation, which Bethy and Brandon produced for her course. I think it\u2019s totally brilliant, (but I\u2019m biased.)<\/p>\n