{"id":508,"date":"2010-06-03T03:17:12","date_gmt":"2010-06-03T03:17:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/?p=508"},"modified":"2010-06-04T22:29:04","modified_gmt":"2010-06-04T22:29:04","slug":"may-be-cooking-up-a-storm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/?p=508","title":{"rendered":"May be cooking up a storm"},"content":{"rendered":"

Bethy’s cooking competition. Ah yes, the one issue I have raised here that every single bugger seemed interested in. The one that generated more responses than any<\/strong> other I have related. More replies even than the time I told you about when I was struck by lightening. I\u2019ve a good mind not to tell you, just out of sheer spite, you bastards.<\/p>\n

But seeing as she only went and bloody won it, I\u2019m too proud not too.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Yep, her and \u201cTeam Tim Tam\u201d<\/strong>, only went and beat the rest of the Canberra schools. Lee-Anne went along to watch, and, as you can imagine, was over the moon. Bethy is going to be very popular at school, as part of the prize was 50 tickets to see the latest \u201cVampires and Snogging\u201d movie <\/a>at the local cinema. They also won cooking equipment for the school, and a day at a top restaurant having a cooking tutorial off one of the region\u2019s top chef\u2019s!<\/p>\n

While we\u2019re on the subject of cooking, Bethy is doing a module of philosophy at school. Apparently it’s a small class, so each week the teacher lays on tea and biscuits for the group (Bless!<\/em>).<\/p>\n

Bethy \u00a0thought she’d repay his kindness, and, totally off her own bat, baked a cake for the day’s lesson. We thought her design rather apt.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Oh and guess what? I\u2019ve had my citizenship approved! But I\u2019m not yet a proper Waussie as I have to attend a \u201cswearing in ceremony,\u201d and officially swear my allegiance to the country and people of Australia. I\u2019m just waiting for the invite now.<\/p>\n

The first part, the overture,\u00a0 my second symphony is now online. I made it up as a “Youtube” video, with images shot on our last couple of holidays there. Depending on the reception it gets, I may add more parts. (Though I’ll have to steal other people’s images next time.<\/p>\n

Here we go;<\/p>\n

[youtube 2vEcyzu7ME8]<\/p>\n

\n

We\u2019ve booked a week\u2019s holiday on the first week of July for a winter break. We\u2019re going to be staying here, it looks lovely. <\/a>We\u2019re hoping for a big storm to come up the bay, the views from there should be magical.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

At least we\u2019re hoping for a mid week storm, and for fine dry and warm weather on the weekends, as I\u2019m going down on the bike. You can guess now what the weather will be like, can\u2019t you?<\/p>\n

Walking our dogs at the Cork Forrest (Glenloch Cork Oak Plantation) one morning we were amazed to find the place choc full of Amanita Muscaria<\/a> mushrooms. It looked like an illustration for a child\u2019s book. One which\u00a0 should be labeled;<\/p>\n

\u201cDo NOT<\/strong> Eat These!\u201d<\/p>\n

\"bollocks\"<\/a><\/p>\n

We were lucky enough to see them before some ruffian took it into their head to kick them over. (Seeing as there\u2019s hundreds of them, that may take some time.)<\/p>\n

We were at Ron\u2019s bookshop<\/a> one day, when Bethy noticed a poster in the window for\u00a0 a comedy gig coming up. She called me over to see it, and informed me; \u201cHe\u2019s great he is!\u201d<\/em> I\u2019d never heard of\u00a0 \u201cDavid O\u2019Doherty\u201d, so I checked with Lee-Anne who, curiously, sang me a little song: \u201cIt\u2019s David O\u2019Doherty time, it\u2019s David O\u2019Doherty time!\u201d<\/em> <\/strong>I took this to mean that either she’d finally slipped her cogs, or yes he was good. I risked deciding on the latter,\u00a0 so I phoned up the venue, Canberra Irish club<\/a>, and made inquiries.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh yes, he\u2019s on next Saturday, but we\u2019re not selling the tickets, Canberra ticketing is.\u201d<\/em> Ok, not a worry, I have an account with them. \u201cWill it be ok for my daughter to come, she\u2019s 15?\u201d \u201cOh yes, as long as she\u2019s with responsible adults.\u201d<\/em> I nearly said, \u201cNo just me and the wife, will we do?\u201d,<\/em> but decided against it. So I ordered three tickets from Canberra ticketing and on the night we set off.<\/p>\n

We got to the door only to find out we had to join the club, fill in forms, and pay a membership fee before they\u2019d even think of letting us in. So did 90% of the people attending the venue. Our tickets were also; \u201cto be collected at the venue,\u201d<\/em> as were those of 90% of the people attending. So the fact that they had just one girl on the door, who was trying to manage everyone\u2019s membership application forms, membership fees, and reserved tickets, let us know we were definitely at the Irish club.<\/p>\n

After a century or two, having filled in all the forms and pushed my way back to the head of the queue, I presented her our membership forms, the fee, and our ticket docket. \u201cHow old is she?,\u201d<\/em> said the rather harassed girl pointing at Bethy. \u201c15\u201d<\/em> I replied, \u201cOh well she\u2019ll have to leave the club by 9.00 pm then.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

This was at 8.20 pm, the gig wasn\u2019t scheduled to start until 8.30 pm.\u00a0 \u201cOk, get me the manager.\u201d <\/em>The manager duly arrived, took one look at the queue, most of whom were out in the rain and spitting chips, and damn near shat himself. He called up two more ticket people to help out. The girl explained our dilemma;<\/p>\n

\u201cAh you see, under 18\u2019s must be out of the club before 8.30, it\u2019s a club rule.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThen why did your receptionist say that it would be ok for her to come to see this gig, a gig the kid has been anticipating greatly for a whole month <\/em>(I exaggerated) as long as she was with responsible adults?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWell she probably didn\u2019t know how late the gig would be.\u201d<\/em>
\nI gave him a look, he blanched, \u201cLook, fine, deal, as long as she\u2019s not a nuisance, and no one tries buying her alcohol, that\u2019s good she can stay, but only this time, next time check out first.\u201d
\n<\/em>I reminded him politely, but obviously visibly starting to boil over, that I had.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe it\u2019s a case of you actually training your staff to give correct information in the first place?\u201d<\/em> He smiled weakly, \u201cSorry, yes. Ok, have a good night.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Luckily we did, David was fucking hysterical.<\/p>\n

[youtube e48RcKHMpz4]<\/p>\n

I tore up our Irish Club membership cards straight after the gig. Oh, to add insult to insult, the beer there was utter piss too.<\/p>\n

The mother in laws birthday came around again, and so for her present Lee-Anne bought her tickets to see \u201cSpamalot\u201d the musical, roughly based on Monty Python\u2019s \u201cHoly Grail\u201d movie. She bought her tickets, and; \u201cYou\u2019re coming too!\u201d<\/em> Who me? \u201cYes you!\u201d<\/em> Oh bollocks, I hate musicals.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

But on the night, I was dragged kicking and screaming into the car, and off we went. Also with us was Lee-Anne\u2019s cousin Jenna. She was staying at Mary\u2019s for the week, as she was doing a course at Canberra Uni, some feminist bollocks of a course apparently. You know the sort of course? The sort specially written for middle-class girls experiencing left-wing guilt, the sort who would love to be a lesbian but enjoy cock too much? Actually she wasn\u2019t a bad sort, a bit quiet, but no trouble. I\u2019d been briefed by Lee-Anne, in eye watering detail, on what would happen to my knackers if I started taking the piss, or if I came over all \u201cSid The Sexist\u201d<\/a> while we were out with her, so stayed schtum.<\/p>\n

We had planned to eat out before the show, at a Turkish restaurant that the mother in law had chosen, one she had described to me in great detail. It sounded good, so at least I was to get something out of the night. Unfortunately she hadn\u2019t gone so far as to check whether it was open that night, which it wasn\u2019t. So we ended up having a not unpleasant, but rather curious, meal at a local Indian place.<\/p>\n

Which reminds me, I must make a point of never going back there again.<\/p>\n

Much to my disgust \u201cSpamalot\u201d <\/strong>was a fucking hoot. Based, very loosely, on Python\u2019s \u201cThe Holy Grail,\u201d movie, it included many great funny Python series references, and some quite sly Python in jokes, and was all bloody well done. The lead bird had a fantastic singing voice, and one of the chorus girls gave me a right old hard on by\u00a0 appearing onstage in the briefest of \u201cG-strings\u201d knickers I’ve ever seen, (black ones, use your imagination,) high heels, stockings and a Basque. I damn near had to go to the loo.<\/p>\n

The only down side of it is that Lee-Anne won\u2019t let this count as the musical I owe her. Lee-Anne once did something selfless and indulgent for me, (I\u2019m w-a-a-a-y ahead of you here, don\u2019t bother,) and in exchange I offered to go to a musical with her. Which was damn stupid. I mean, apart from \u201cRocky Horror\u201d<\/strong> and now \u201cSpamalot,\u201d<\/strong> are there any other musicals you need more than three functioning synapses to enjoy?<\/p>\n

Oh, on the comedy thing, Bill Bailey is returning to Canberra later next month, so we\u2019ve got tickets to see him.<\/a><\/p>\n

So then, Mother-in-laws, where to start?<\/p>\n

\u201cTaff, I want to buy a laptop and a printer.\u201d<\/em> Ok, no worries. \u201cWhat do you want it for?\u201d <\/em>I asked, dreading the answer. \u201cOh for Skype so I can talk to my sister in Melbourne cheaply, and for\u2026.errm\u2026 e-mails\u2026and\u2026 errr\u2026 the internet and\u2026.you know\u2026computer\u2026 things.\u201d<\/em> Ok, nuff said, someone has mentioned Skype to you so you thought you\u2019d buy all the rest of the necessaries. \u201cOh, and for my camera\u201d<\/em> That would be the camera we bought you two years ago, the one still in its box, I take it?<\/p>\n

\u201cWill you come with me?\u201d<\/em> Sure no problem, I\u2019ll scout around, get you a deal, and set it all up. \u201cOh no, I\u2019ve seen the one I want.\u201d<\/em> Ah huh. So I went to the one shop she wanted to got to, despite me pleading with her that I could save hundreds of dollars by shopping around and playing one place off against another. \u201cWhy do you want this one?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI saw it in the paper, it\u2019s a Toshiba, I know that name.<\/em>\u201d (Bites tongue)<\/p>\n

Anyway, we get to the shop and there\u2019s another model, last in the shop, $400 cheaper, and a Toshiba. \u201cGet that one\u201d <\/em>I implored. \u201cBut I wanted this one, it\u2019s got a faster chip according to this\u201d. \u201cMary, it\u2019s got a 2.3 gig chip, this one has a 2.2 gig chip, you will not notice the difference for the use you want out of it, it\u2019ll save you $400.\u201d<\/em> Ok, so she agreed to buy the cheaper one, but would not compromise on the printer and insisted on buying an \u201call bells and whistles\u201d laser fucking printer. I studiously stood over her while she was paying so as to ensure she wouldn\u2019t fork out for any of the shit which the nice sales man was trying to push. As it was, for some strange reason, she somehow also ended up with a 500 gig external hard-drive. One which\u00a0 which I duly took into safe keeping, as in “attached to\u00a0 my computer”. She also bought a headset and microphone for Skype; “for cheap conversations with my sister in Melbourne, “<\/em> as I was reminded. (The fact that the $1200 shelled out for computer kit could have bought a large number of conversations doesn’t seem to have figured in this “money saving” idea.)<\/p>\n

Mary had found a deal for the net connection, with Optus. It included a 7 gig download and all Aussie calls free, which would save her big bucks. Mary put in for that to be connected. She waited in all day, as they had advised her to, just to get a phone call in the late afternoon saying; \u201cDone!\u201d So I went around to set it all up.<\/p>\n

First thing I found was that they hadn\u2019t given her a wireless router, which meant her lap top was now a \u201csit at a desk in the spare room top\u201d.\u00a0 The laptop itself was a dream to set up , Windows 7 is good, I may get it for our boxes. I got it all hooked up, did a test print. Ok all working.<\/p>\n

So I said, \u201cI\u2019ll download Skype and get it set up,\u201d<\/em> to which she replied, \u201cI don\u2019t need it now, this deal comes with all Aussie calls free, so I prefer to use my phone to talk to her.\u201d<\/em> (Bites tongue deeper.)<\/p>\n

Ok, one of the mother-in-laws bad habits is riding the clutch on her car. Everybody has told her off for doing it, all the way back to the dark and distant days when she was learning to drive. So the other day she finally burned the clutch out. It went off with quite a bang apparently.<\/p>\n

Lee-Anne had for some time, knowing this would eventually happen, desperately pleaded with her that her next car must be an auto, luckily she agreed.<\/p>\n

My take to Lee-Anne;<\/p>\n

\u201cWhatever you do, don\u2019t let her go out and buy a new car.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll go to all the dealers with her, I\u2019ll find her a one to two year old car, one which has had all the teething problems sorted out, and save her a few thousand. <\/em><\/p>\n

She must be told not to buy a new car, and definitely to not go to the sales room unaccompanied by a big ugly male, or she may as well run around naked waving a cheque book shouting \u201cRape me please!\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

Ok, now I\u2019ve got a few weekends off coming up, so I\u2019ll happily dedicate them to finding her the right car.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

So guess what happened?<\/p>\n

On the second day of driving her brand new, dealer bought, straight out of the show room \u201crape me please\u201d<\/em> Mazda 3, purchased without the help of a big ugly man, she reversed it into another car. This wasn\u2019t covered by the $1200 \u201cpaint insurance\u201d she was talked into buying.<\/p>\n

So far her only regret in this purchasing extravaganza, is that they didn\u2019t have the car she wanted; \u201cA yellow one.\u201d<\/p>\n

Talking of vehicular things, I took the bike into the menders the other day to get a new chain and sprockets fitted. \u201cYeah $450 tops Taff, no worries, see you this arvo<\/em>.\u201d I turned up to get it, only to get presented with a bill for $520. I was about to get huffy, when Scott the mender said; \u201cSorry Taff, I couldn\u2019t let it be taken out without a new rear tyre on it, so I fitted one. Did you know yours was down to the canvas, and would have blown if you\u2019d ridden it over anything sharper than say, a baby\u2019s arse?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em>No, I didn\u2019t actually, and please don\u2019t tell Lee-Anne about it.<\/p>\n

Cultural stuff…<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/em><\/p>\n

We went along to see this exhibition the other day, some fine landscapes there, almost as good as mine in fact.<\/p>\n

Sir Hans Heysen<\/strong>, OBE<\/a> (8 October 1877\u00a0\u2013 2 July 1968) was a well-known German Australian<\/a> artist<\/a>. He was particularly recognized for his watercolours<\/a> of the Australian bush. He won the Wynne Prize<\/a> for landscape painting a record nine times.<\/em><\/p>\n

Don’t bother writing back, I don’t need to know what’s happening in your life….<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n

Ok, I’m lying, wassup?
\n<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bethy’s cooking competition. Ah yes, the one issue I have raised here that every single bugger seemed interested in. The one that generated more responses than any other I have related. More replies even than the time I told you … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[16,20,40,26,46,31,6,22,37,47,29],"class_list":["post-508","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-arseing-about","tag-car-problems","tag-citizenship","tag-comedians","tag-cooking-competition","tag-dogs","tag-holiday","tag-mother-in-law","tag-motorbike","tag-mushrooms","tag-school"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/508","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=508"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/508\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=508"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=508"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=508"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}