{"id":681,"date":"2012-05-31T04:28:22","date_gmt":"2012-05-31T04:28:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/?p=681"},"modified":"2012-06-02T03:17:18","modified_gmt":"2012-06-02T03:17:18","slug":"zanzibar-via-merimbula","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.fatbeetle.com\/blog\/?p=681","title":{"rendered":"Zanzibar, via Merimbula."},"content":{"rendered":"

 <\/p>\n

So then, how did the holiday go? Very nicely indeed, truth be told.<\/p>\n

Apart that is from the usual sort of hiccups, hiccups\u00a0which are only to be expected when I\u2019m about. For instance, the day before we were due to leave we paid $70.00 to have the car cleaned inside and out, and very smart it looked too. \u201cCar detailing\u201d<\/a> they call it over here. \u00a0So, on the day we were due to leave I reversed out of the garage without shutting the driver\u2019s door properly, and it swung open, caught the garage pillar, and it got well bent. \u00a0Panic stations set in. We were on the verge of hiring a car to go down to the coast, when we found that by slamming the door hard, screwdrivering the window into place and then me getting into the car via the passenger door for the trip, we could use it as it was. (i.e. fucked.)<\/p>\n

So we had a very clean and spic and span car, with a totally knobbed driver\u2019s door then. The boys at the garage had a real hoot when I told them how I had buggered it up, and then they each booked a holiday in Fiji, at my expense.<\/p>\n

But at least it was usable. We strapped the suitcases onto the roof with the very expensive roof-rack ties I had bought, and drove to pick up Reece, Bethy\u2019s boyfriend, from Queanbeyan<\/a>. By the time we got there all the strapping I had carefully done had come loose, and our suitcases were on the verge of ending up in the middle of the road. Reece\u2019s grandfather, who is an ex-bus driver<\/a>, tied them on, securely this time, with a length of old rope. This worked fine.<\/p>\n

The drive down was unremarkable, apart from getting stuck behind an ancient old woman right at the top of Brown\u2019s mountain<\/a>, and therefore being stuck behind her for the next 20 kilometres. She drove at 50kph in the 70 kph zone, and got down to 15 kph in the 40 kph zones. As you can imagine I was a tad frustrated by this. But the usual solution to my driving frustrations proved efficacious, that is Lee-Anne kept hitting me until I shut up about it. Half way down Brown\u2019s we passed the huge boulder which had landslip down onto<\/a> the road recently, and had only just been cleared to give passage. Some wit had painted \u201cFor Sale\u201d<\/strong> on it.<\/p>\n

Outside the lovely village of Candelo<\/a>, we narrowly missed a turtle crossing the road. Unfortunately Bethy had hit a turtle while having a driving lesson with her dad, just a few days before. As she said; \u201cIt\u2019s very hard to drive for the next 50 kilometres when you\u2019re crying your eyes out.\u201d<\/em> So of course I had to spin round and rescue it. We got back to find a turtle pizza all over the road, Bethy was upset all over again.<\/p>\n

We eventually found the digs<\/a>, thank god for GPS, and very nice they were too. We were within spitting distance of the sea, with only a dune between us and the surf, and with our own private path down to the water\u2019s edge. Bethy and Reece grabbed the best bedroom, unsurprisingly, but, very surprisingly, they did actually emerge every so often blinking into the light.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Me and Lee-Anne took the downstairs bedroom so we could let the blind mutt out for\u00a0 his inevitable, and cataclysmic nightly pees, (it’s the diutetics he’s on you know.) More on\u00a0him later. This worked reasonably well.\u00a0\u00a0So then, having settled into the digs, what did we do down there? A big bunch of sod all, mainly, with lots of dossing and chilling.<\/p>\n

The daily routine was;<\/p>\n

Walk the dogs on the beach, breakfast.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Read, or watch a\u00a0DVD, walk the dogs on the beach, lunch.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Read books or watch DVDs, eat dinner.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Read books or watch a\u00a0DVD, drink wine, walk the dogs on the beach, bed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Perfect, what more could you want out of an Autumn break? \u00a0I got through six books in five days, the others watched a large number of DVDs, (to be fair both Bethy and Reece did some college work while there.)<\/p>\n

The weather wasn\u2019t great, though it wasn\u2019t bad either, I wish it had been one or the other. Bad weather would have been great. Funnily enough, there were only two occasions when I didn\u2019t take my camera down to the beach on our multiple dogs walks, on the first I saw a sea eagle dive into the sea, on the second a pod of dolphins coasted by.\u00a0 I was fucking kicking myself for not having it with me, you\u2019ll just have to take my word for it that these were truly beautiful sights.\u00a0\u00a0We had rainbow lorikeets<\/a> as visitors most days. These beautiful, but cocky, little buggers will come and sit on your hand to eat if you offer them food.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The blind old dog loved being on the beach, mainly because there wasn\u2019t much there\u00a0he could bump into. He was also glad that it was too cold, and there were very strong tidal rips there about, which meant I couldn\u2019t take\/drag\/throw him into the sea.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

On the final night of the holiday we had a table booked at a restaurant that had been highly recommended on “Tripadvisor<\/a>“. Funnily enough it was one we\u2019d been to before, Zanzibar<\/a>, but which was now under new owners, and had an up and coming new chef working there. The last time we had been there Lee-Anne had had Gnocchi, which turned out to have goats cheese in it. She didn\u2019t know it had goat\u2019s cheese in it until she exploded from either end. She\u2019s allergic to goat\u2019s cheese.<\/p>\n

There were no vegetarian options on the on-line menu,<\/a> but on phoning we were informed that veges could be catered too.<\/p>\n

The place itself was very pleasantly laid out, if not in the greatest of locations, being on a main road and glass fronted. However this was not too much a distraction. The front of house person Renee, was courteous without being obsequious, and very friendly, her approach was very well suited to the ambiance of the place. The menu choice was good, if not extensive, the wine list apt. The kitchen can be viewed from most seats, something I rather enjoy in a restaurant.<\/p>\n

The food was absolutely glorious!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I was amazed to find such great food in such a small out of the way location as Merimbula, it’s the sort of grub you would expect in a major city eatery. The Chef, Huw Jones, who was surprisingly not Welsh in any way shape or form, really does offer first class meals, prepared with skill and a great palate. Lee-Anne had the Fish, I had the vege, Reece and Bethy the meat. All of us were particularly impressed by the finesse and presentation of the dishes, because we\u2019re pretentious foodies who do talk like that. (I thought I’d say that before you did.)<\/p>\n

If I were to be picky, I’d say my main course spent a little too long waiting for the other dishes to be finished, and I would have liked to have had a recommended wine for each course. My main gripe was that despite the place being in the major cheese producing<\/a> area of the state, there was no cheese board on offer.<\/p>\n

Oh, the day after we got back Lee-Anne had this email exchange with her boss;<\/p>\n

Hi there Lee-Anne,<\/span>
\nHave you thought of how you might manage this excess leave going forward?<\/span>
\nDani<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Hi Dani \u2013<\/span>
\nUsually, once every two years I take a great whack of leave to go back to the UK to visit my husband\u2019s family. My last visit was done primarily on Flex leave due to an excessive Flex credit. I am now reducing the Flex credit I have accumulated I will be able to use my leave credits for my future leave. I intend to be going to the UK for an extended break in August\/September 2013. I would need to take around 8 weeks off.<\/span>
\nCheers<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Dani,<\/span>
\nAny leave planned for this year?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Lee-Anne,<\/span>
\nI have a week coming up in August. I can also take leave in caretaker.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Dani,<\/span>
\nThat\u2019s good. I know D will be off getting married at some point in caretaker, but if we can work something out it would be good for you to take another week or even cash some in?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Lee-Anne,<\/span>
\nCashing in is always an option. One I hadn\u2019t thought about. I\u2019ll think about it.<\/span><\/p>\n

So then, \u201cBarnum,\u201d<\/em> I hear you cry, \u201cwhat\u2019s the news with the old blind dog?\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 Well he\u2019s still alive; to be fair he\u2019s doing rather well. \u00a0We\u2019ve sorted his meds regime, and his exercise regime is keeping him fit and healthy. Of course he\u2019s still as blind as a bat, and still as stupid as a fencepost. This means his walks, (40 mins morning 30 mins night, plus slinging him outside for a piss, frequently,) are enlivened by his frequent and inexplicable decisions to do abrupt right turns when we are not watching him. These usually result in him ending up in thick bush, falling into storm drains, or wandering out into rush hour traffic. God knows why he does it, there he is wandering along a wide and clear track, and the light goes on in his head which says; \u201cSod this, it\u2019s all far too easy, there must be some cliffs around here somewhere, \u201c<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0and off he plunges.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

He was keeping us awake at night, sorry, he was keeping Lee-Anne and Bethy awake at nights, I\u2019m too deaf\/drunk\/uncaring to get up and deal with him usually. This resulted in frazzled nerves, for them, and me getting flack for sleeping through it all. The worse of these times, and this happened frequently, \u00a0were when he woke them up, demanded to be let out into the garden at 3.30 am, got out there only to stand about like a dildo wondering why he was there, turn around and come back in, then piss on the laundry floor. So in the end drastic action had to be taken. We cleared out one of the spare rooms in the house, laid waterproof floor coverings and put his bedding, and water bowl in there. One morning on the way back from the gym we saw a futon outside a house, it looked like it had been put out for anyone who wanted it; \u201cThat would make a great Barney bed,\u201d <\/em>said Lee-Anne. So the next day I went and knocked on the door of the house to make sure they were giving it away. I didn\u2019t get an answer, so took that as a; \u201cYes, please take it,\u201d<\/em> and slung it in the car and run away. Barney now has a palatial bedroom, and so now each morning, Lee-Anne and me play a game of; \u201cwho can stay in bed the longest,\u201c<\/em> in order to not be the one who has to go mop up the piss, or worse.<\/p>\n

But we love him to bits, more so now that Lee-Anne doesn\u2019t need to get up four times a night. Lee-Anne was looking through some dog care websites in an idle moment and came across “zombie dog syndrome.”<\/a> Ok it’s not actually called that, but that name is far more apt. “That’s Barney to a T!”<\/em> she exclaimed. So we got him some pills for it, at $180 for 20 days supply. He’s on so many pills now he rattles. They don’t seem to have done much, for him, fuck all in fact, \u00a0but they take a few months to work. Having said that, seeing as Barney is well known for having; “a heart as big as the planet, a brain\u00a0the size of a pea,”<\/em> he doesn’t have much of a base to rise above.<\/p>\n

Oh my favourite joke of the week includes Barney. In correspondence with Susie in Devon she stated she wanted a dog, I told her that she could have mine, and that seeing as he was now; \u201cOld, blind, deaf, stupid, very very stupid, and grey, I was thinking of renaming him Nicol.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Susie replied to say that the comparison was unfair as; \u201cAt least Barnum still has his hair!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Nicol \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 Barney<\/strong><\/p>\n

While we\u2019re on the subject of jokes, we saw two very different comedians last month.<\/p>\n

John Cleese was on his; \u201cPaying my alimony bills\u201d<\/a><\/em> tour, and really didn\u2019t do what we thought would be a stand-up routine. For the first half of the show he was \u201cinterviewed\u201d live on stage by a local TV presenter. This was good, and, I will admit, didn\u2019t seem over scripted. The second half of the show was a; \u201cJohn Cleese, my career in comedy,<\/em>\u201d\u00a0 documentary, presented by the man himself and using clips from his shows and films to illustrate his approach to, and take on, comedy. Not only was this very entertaining,\u00a0 but it was also fascinating inasmuch as you saw how the man’s mind\u00a0worked, and how he made comedy work for him. A different and great night out, made more salient by the fact that Cleese in now 72 and may not ever tour again.<\/p>\n